Because I Said So!

“Because I said so!” I said sternly to Anna, then stood quietly in shock. There they were, those words I so hated as a child, coming out of my mouth. I leaned against the doorframe as a frightening question loomed large in my mind: had I turned into – gasp! – my mother??

I instantly forgot about whatever it was that I was trying to explain.

Those words were always meant to be a conversation ender when spoken by my mom, and, annoying child that I was, I always made it my mission to not let our dialogue end there. I just had to have the last word in our debates, even if I knew I could not win. Perhaps that’s why my parents said, more than once, that I should be a lawyer when I grew up. And I am.  And I don’t think that was meant as a compliment, or as career advice!  More likely, it was my inescapable fate because I often didn’t know when it would be wiser to just shut up.

I have always loved to argue.  The irony is that, while this skill is highly prized in an attorney, the more desirable skill (in my humble opinion) is knowing when not to argue, or rather, choosing your battles wisely and saving the verbal ammunition for when it really counts.  At some point in my childhood, I did figure that out….but I couldn’t translate that knowledge into action. The message couldn’t make it from my brain to my mouth in time. It’s something I work on to this day.

Anna is not even 3, and she already loves to argue, or at least, to protest or push back when we say no. Of course, this is no surprise – as Heidi and her friend noted when their now almost adult daughters were young friends, “It’s hard work raising strong women.” I remind myself of this. What I am surprised by is that I actually understand where my mom was coming from when I respond to issues of potential conflict.

There comes a point when you have to accept that there is no perfect answer.

Sometimes, no matter how many well-reasoned explanations you come up with, none of them will satisfy the toddler brain as it drives the child to struggle for satisfaction of her desires. Case in point:

                

Anna:  I want cake for dinner!

  

Me:  You can’t have cake for dinner.

Anna:  Why?

Me:    Cake is not a dinner food; it’s dessert. You have to eat your dinner before you have dessert.

Anna:  I don’t LIKE dinner!! I want cake!  *makes fists*

Me:  That’s not a healthy dinner.

Anna:  Why?  *stomps angrily*

Me:  It just isn’t. You need healthy food before junk or treats. And I don’t even think we have cake.

Anna:  No! (whining) I don’t waaaant dinner. *pouts*

Me:  Well, you have to eat your dinner before you can have anything for dessert.

                  

Anna:  NOOOO! I want cake!

Me:  And I want a million dollars. Sometimes you can’t have what you want. You’re not having cake.

Anna:  WHY???

Me:  Because I said so!

This time, atypically, it shut down the discussion. It took her what seemed like two hours to pick through her chicken and broccoli, but she did it.  If karma really exists, though, I am sure it won’t be the last time that phrase escapes my lips, and I’m sure those conversations to come won’t end as easily as the Great Cake Debate.

It will be interesting to see how Anna’s reaction compares with mine. I think I hated it because it didn’t lend itself to smart comebacks. All I had was usually “That’s not an answer!!” Now that I am on the receiving end of these challenges, I have to concede that, sometimes, it is THE answer.

And somewhere out there in cyberspace, I bet my mom is laughing about all of this.

I wonder what other verbal weapons of my mom’s are buried in the recesses of my subconscious arsenal?  Only time will tell. What frustrating childhood phrases have you found yourself borrowing from your parents now that you have kids?