Can Working Moms Really Have It All?

I've written before about how difficult it can be to be a working parent. I'm a mom so that's my frame of reference, hence the title of this post. But I certainly recognize that there are an increasing number of dads who also have the challenge of balancing raising their kids and working long hours.

To some extent, this is an unavoidable conflict, and we who face it simply manage the best we can.

I'm new at this whole thing...

When Anna was born and Heidi and I made the sudden decision to follow our hearts and have her live with us, we were in a unique situation. We weren't entitled to maternity leave, even though we had a newborn. We weren't entitled to any other family leave because at that time it wasn't an adoption and we worked for small firms. Because Heidi was Anna's blood relative, we weren't entitled to the state aid given to foster parents. Because we had no idea whether our situation would be permanent or not, we couldn't really make a concrete financial plan.

So, we had no choice but to manage it all somehow. We both staggered through our days in court (and my two-hour round trip commute) and somehow survived waking several times a night for feedings and diaper changes. I think, three and a half years later, that we're both still tired from that time period, not to mention the continuing demands of our working, parenting life. There are some things your body just never makes up.

A year and a half later...still tired...zzzz

Performing well at our jobs was a challenge. We both continued to succeed professionally, but probably were not as efficient or productive as we really needed to be. It didn't take me long to realize that if we were going to do this for the long term, I could not keep commuting. Not only did it wear me out even more, but I got home between 6:30 and 7:00, when it was almost Anna's bed time. Even though I always got to put her to bed, I didn't like missing the whole evening with her.

I also realized that I could not have a job that required me to be in different courts all over the state first thing in the morning. I felt like a walking zombie. It was unsafe to drive with so little sleep, sometimes in hazardous winter weather conditions, and being punctual was a real challenge. Judges tend to frown upon tardiness.

Many lawyers who also have families discover that litigation is a tough career choice when you have kids. The schedule is often grueling and is typically unpredictable, and that isn't conducive to caring for a sick child or picking her up from day care on time. (Not to mention the scarcity of family dinners and uninterrupted evenings at home.)

So, I sacrificed my litigation career for a desk job in a limited field. It was supposed to be family-friendly, in that I had Fridays off and could leave in time to get Anna from day care. Those were remarkable perks.  But, as is true of just about any legal job, the demands didn't stay within the parameters of part-time work, and the expectations turned out to be similar to a full-time position at a larger firm.

Then, I learned about a new option.

I learned that talented lawyers in my area were leaving traditional practice in ever increasing numbers and turning to contract legal work. Immediately, I was drawn to the idea, but also concerned about unpredictable income. However, the more people I talked to, the more I realized what an attractive option contract work can be.

It's a win-win for everyone. The law firms that hire contractors like me get the benefit of quality legal work at a reduced cost without taxing their busy staff and associates. Those savings typically are passed on to the firm's clients. The attorneys that do the work have a flexible, project-based schedule that allows them to work from home - or wherever, really.

Sometimes Starbucks is my office.... :)

It's rewarding to feel like I didn't waste tons of money on a law degree I can't use, and to see my practice branch out into new areas. The variety of the work keeps things interesting. And I must admit, I really enjoy the freedom to run errands or attend to chores during the day sometimes, instead of on the weekend or in the evening when I have already worked a full day.

I'm not sure if this has applicability beyond law practice, but I suspect that other fields benefit from this business model too. And even if your employer doesn't or can't use it, you should pursue part-time options or accommodations that make it easier to be a good employee and to be the good parent you need to be. Why should we have to choose between being great at our careers and great with our kids? It shouldn't have to be that way.

I'm still in the beginning stages of this type of practice, and because of the financial uncertainty, it may not be for me in the long run. Or it just may be the best job I ever have because I'm my own boss and I can be there for my kid.

We can enjoy time at the lake!

It really doesn't get any better than that.