Recharge Your Batteries

"Me time."  We all talk about it. We all crave it. And I'm willing to bet almost all of us don't get enough.

When you're a parent, it becomes especially difficult to set aside some time to recharge your batteries....but it's also especially important.  The many challenges that come with parenting necessitate a strong and willing spirit - and you can't be at your best if you're overtired, stressed, and never take a break or spend time with friends.

That's pretty much been my life until recently. I've had some rough things to deal with this year so far, and so I've been feeling a bit more run down and emotional than usual. (Insert joke here.)  So I was fortunate that I got to spend last weekend visiting my best friend, known by Anna and on MLWP as "Uncle Keith." During my visit, Uncle Keith and I got to spend an afternoon hanging out in New York City, browsing in shops, eating, drinking, all that good stuff.

It was wonderful.

NYC baby!

I hadn't been away without Anna in almost two years. She was definitely not thrilled that I was going to see one of her favorite people without her. And, although I knew I needed the grown up time, I missed her before I even set foot out the door. It felt so strange to be without my favorite little traveling companion!

But I had resolved to have a weekend away, and I did it. It was a bit surreal not to have her holding onto my arm, and not to be pushing a stroller as we walked. But I also felt free for a moment. I remembered what I felt like when I was younger and I could walk anywhere and do anything. (Well, not anything, but I had a lot more freedom.)

So I learned that this "me time" of which everyone speaks is pretty darn cool. But when I use that term, I don't just mean time for quiet reflection or alone time. Time with friends is crucial too.

Now, I'm lucky that when I moved here from my home state for law school, I met many wonderful people who have become wonderful friends. I am truly blessed to know them. But since the death of my best friend a couple of years ago, I've missed that special "best friends" feeling, that sense that someone out there really, deeply gets you, the sense that you can pick up the phone and know they're there to support you no matter what.

After I lost my best friend, I didn't think it was possible to find that kind of friendship again. But, thankfully, I have. I adore "Uncle Keith" and have the kind of connection with him that is hard to find. It really means a lot to me. I could never replace my best buddy (who had been his best buddy too!), and I'm glad he connected us, but we have our own unique friendship.

So I was really thrilled to not only have my "grown up time," but also to have it with someone who I have that awesome best friend connection with.

Uncle Keith & me in the Village

This time helped me get a little better acquainted with myself, and also made me appreciate our friendship even more. My time with the people I love (outside my family) is so limited that I really cherish it when I get it. I recently heard this song lyric that pretty much sums up how I feel:

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air
I know I can count on you
Sometimes I feel like saying, "Lord, I just don't care"
But you've got the love I need to see me through

Sometimes it seems the going is just too rough
And things go wrong no matter what I do
Now and then I feel like life is just too much
But you've got the love I need to see me through

You've got the love, You've got the love

"You've Got the Love," Candi Staton
[Lyrics from artists.letssingit.com]

And, even better, since I've been home, I've had some amazing quality time with Anna. Not only has she been even more affectionate with me - which is saying a lot because she's a little lovebug! - but I've also been way more patient with her. And that makes me feel a lot better about myself as a parent. It's not surprising that having a break now and then better equips you to deal with the stress of parenting, but it doesn't really hit home until you do it and notice the change.

So I suppose the moral of the story is: don't just take care of your child, take care of you.  It goes against our instinct sometimes because our worlds revolve around our children, but it's vital. Not only will you be happier as a result, but you'll be the parent you really want to be, and your kids will be happier too.