Life throws us a lot of curve balls, and that's putting it mildly. Some of us have more than our fair share of challenges and sorrow. But, no matter what kind of issues we may have - some decidedly beyond our control - the one thing that is NOT beyond our control is the way that we react to them, manage them, accept them, cope with them and maybe, just maybe, better our lives, not in spite of them, but because of them.
It really is in the way that you use it.
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| Beautiful rainbow (taken 7/1/12) |
My friends and readers know that I believe everything happens for a reason. When I look back on some of the toughest moments in my life, I can now appreciate how they were an important stepping stone on the path to where I am in my life today. If I put an X on a piece of paper where one of my trials or heartbreaks was, and a Y where something really good or important happened to me down the road, I could draw a line between them, for sure.
Here are some examples:
Rejection from my top choice law schools ---> move to Maine ---> meet Heidi and Kelsey ---> raise Anna---> build a life I love.
Leaving everything and everyone I loved behind in VA ---> going to law school ---> getting my degree and starting a career (plus all of the wonderful things in example #1).
Coming to terms with being gay ---> meeting wonderful people who have become like family ---> developing a keen self-awareness and confidence in myself ---> becoming much more empathetic, compassionate and progressive in my views ---> meeting my late best friend. And so much more.
The one event in my life that has challenged this belief more than any other is, of course, the death of my best friend two years ago. But even in the wake of that tragedy, which remains palpably painful today, I have begun to see the seeds of growth and positive change sprouting, and I know that we were in each other's lives for many wonderful reasons. So it follows that his departure was for a reason too, hard as that may be to fathom.
Why am I ruminating on this, you may ask? Well, for a few reasons. One is that I've had to struggle with a few disappointments lately related to my career. I still have some uncertainty about where it's going and what the right path is for me. But I'm trying to remember to stay focused and positive, to carry with me what I have learned about myself recently, and to remain determined to do something meaningful.
Another is that I know many people find it difficult to see the meaning in difficult things. It's easy to give in to anger and lash out at others. Conversely, it's hard to really examine painful things with a truthful eye because you may not like what you see. I know that firsthand. But when you do, and when you can admit to yourself and others your role in those outcomes, you can begin to free yourself of that pain.
I have a lot to learn on my life journey, but I am grateful for what I have already learned. I'm especially grateful for my innate sense of optimism. Even when life gets me down, I try to search for the ray of sun peeking from behind the clouds. I like to look for the best in people and to believe that they have integrity and, mostly, good intentions. I take comfort in knowing that's true for me, even when I have made mistakes. Even when things haven't always turned out like I planned.
Additionally, I embrace the sense of strength that comes from knowing that, whatever obstacles I may encounter on my path, I still retain the power to choose how they will affect me. The choice is mine - do I let them throw me off and get me down, or do I pick myself up and allow them to motivate me? I certainly try to do the latter. As the song says: "Shoot me down, but I won't fall, I am titanium." (David Guetta/Sia) After all, strength and empowerment begin with mindset.
Just remember, no matter what you've got, it's in the way that you use it. And that is entirely up to you.
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| Tattoo - "strength" |
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