It's Okay to Say No

Really, this title could apply to a number of things: saying "no" to requests or demands for our time, so we don't extend ourselves; saying "no" to our kids when they shouldn't have or do something; saying "no" when we're asked to give money because we just don't have it.

But, those are all topics for other occasions. Today, I'm writing about an article that I read on cnn.com about telling our kids that it's okay to say "no" to relatives and friends who may want their affection.

This is something I'd never thought about, but it's an interesting and important thing to consider. The author of the article suggests that not only is it uncomfortable for our kids when we insist that they hug a grandmother or uncle even though they don't want to - but it's also sending a very negative message. It's telling our kids they should do things they don't want to do with their bodies just because they are asked to do them.

And that's just not okay.

Photo from seniorjournal.com

Miss Independent

[Proving there’s a song for everything.]

In our continuing examination of our “parental competencies,” we come to number 4, which is “Autonomy and Independence.”  To succeed in this department, according to the article, “you treat your child with respect and encourage him or her to become self-sufficient and self-reliant.”

Control Freak

Control.  It’s a powerful word.  We try to have self-control.  We wish we had control of certain situations so we wouldn’t feel vulnerable.  We can’t control the future so we feel a little helpless sometimes.  Efforts to control other people are often futile, for good reason.

So why are we surprised that our kids care so much about control?