It's Okay to Say No

Really, this title could apply to a number of things: saying "no" to requests or demands for our time, so we don't extend ourselves; saying "no" to our kids when they shouldn't have or do something; saying "no" when we're asked to give money because we just don't have it.

But, those are all topics for other occasions. Today, I'm writing about an article that I read on cnn.com about telling our kids that it's okay to say "no" to relatives and friends who may want their affection.

This is something I'd never thought about, but it's an interesting and important thing to consider. The author of the article suggests that not only is it uncomfortable for our kids when we insist that they hug a grandmother or uncle even though they don't want to - but it's also sending a very negative message. It's telling our kids they should do things they don't want to do with their bodies just because they are asked to do them.

And that's just not okay.

Photo from seniorjournal.com

Dude Looks Like a Lady: Gendering Parenthood

I am the Dad.  Or, better yet, I am the 1950s Dad.  I work long hours, come home to dinner on the table most nights, and contribute very rarely to routine housework.  I am the major breadwinner and I handle all of the household jobs that require muscle or the use of tools. 

Yet these characteristics are not what make me the Dad.  Rather, it is the relationship that I share with Anna that makes me the Dad in our family.

Happy together, Oct. 2011

Article: What Makes a Good Parent?

I ran across an article the other day in Scientific American Mind by Robert Epstein, a longtime researcher and professor of psychology, which summarized a research study on what parenting practices produce better results than others - that is, practices that produce better relationships between parent and child and happier, healthier, and better functioning children.

The studies also sought to answer "why, in fact, do most parents continue to parent pretty much the way their own parents did - or, if they disliked the way they were raised, the exact opposite way?"