The tooth fairy, you ask? Nope. I'm talking about the Excess Toy Fairy. She doesn't take lost baby teeth and leave cash or coins. She takes some of the WAY too many toys most of our kids have and absconds with them so they subtly vanish.
Out of sight, out of mind, right?
Tower o' presents, 2nd birthday (see, this is why we need the ETF) |
After all, there is only so much storage space.
I imagine many of you have done this with your kids. The hardest parts are (a) not waking them up when you inevitably stub your toe on something that shouldn't have been on the floor, and (b) not setting off audible toys, like the Elmo that recites the alphabet.
Heidi used this approach when Kelsey was young as well, although in that case, some of Kelsey's many, many stuffed animals were "lost" in a move. Obviously, we don't want to traumatize our kids, but at the same time, birthdays and Christmas and even special outings result in the accumulation of more, more, more (not just toys, but clothes too)....until you either get rid of some things or have to expand the walls of your kid's bedroom.
Uh-oh, time for the Excess Toy Fairy to visit again before these are unwrapped! |
I don't know about you, but I prefer the free approach over costly renovations. And there are only so many storage totes you can buy before you run out of room and forget what items are in what box. I have had to start labeling Anna's totes of clothes with masking tape so I can remember what sizes they are and what season.
My questions for you are these: In a world focused on the accumulation of stuff, how do we teach our kids that they don't need so much? More importantly, how do we teach them to be thankful for what they do have, rather than feeling sad about what they think they lack?
Never-ending packages, Christmas 2010 |
Helping other people is one big way to impart these kinds of lessons to your children while they are young, so that the things they learn will stay with them for a lifetime. Of course, this isn't always so easy. Probably the best way to teach this stuff is by putting it into practice yourself - maybe by volunteering with your child so that he/she can see that it can be fun to help others.
Donating things is also a good idea. For example, Anna and I frequently visit Goodwill to see what we can find. One constant fear I have is that she will discover something that used to be hers and isn't anymore because it is now sitting on the very store shelf at which we are looking. I can just hear it now, "Hey, I have one of those too!" *nervous grin*
Anyway, I have tried to explain that the items there are not new, that other people have owned them before and then decided to share them when they didn't need them anymore. I've also told her that I have given them some of my things too, like clothes that I have grown out of, or household goods we no longer need. Then, in turn, we buy other things and other people can buy our stuff, so it feels like sharing with other people.
We've given the vast majority of Anna's outgrown clothes/ accessories to other relatives and friends that needed them, and then donated the rest to Goodwill. After all, if we hadn't had the help of our awesome friends and family when we decided to take Anna home with us on short notice, I don't know how we would've done it. This is something I've also told her, that others have helped us and it's up to us to do the same.
I don't think she gets it quite yet, but we're working on it. When I have suggested that maybe she should come with me to bring in some of her baby toys, she says, "But they're mine!" As toddlers are learning to distinguish themselves and their things from the world around them, it's natural for them to cling to "their" stuff.
This is why the Excess Toy Fairy comes in handy. Thus far, none of the effects of her visits have been noticed. But, I'm confident that as Anna grows, she will learn how nice it feels to give away stuff that other people can use, and that giving sometimes feels even better than receiving. I will be very proud of her when she makes these choices herself.
How else can we teach our children to be thankful for what they have, and to be generous with other people? What strategies do you use with your kids?
We have done a lot of things similar to what you have done: throwing away broken toys when they aren't looking, donating toys they don't play with anymore. As my kids have gotten older and begin to understand more, we involve them in the process. They get to decide what to give away and what they want to "share" with other kids and what they would like to keep awhile longer. Of course we monitor this, so we can find a common ground of how much stuff can stay. We primarily do this when they a) are not doing so well in putting their stuff away and b) birthdays or Christmas are approaching.
ReplyDeleteWe regularly purge and donate in our house, and we also receive many nice things from friends. My kids are in on it now, they like to go through their toys and clothes and give them to "other kids who don't have nice clothes and toys." We also keep gift giving to a minimum and I tend to buy things I know will be played with. This has taken years for me to figure out. At Christmas my kids get only 3 gifts each, plus little things in their stockings. They know this and have no problem with it. I started this tradition when I noticed that my kids didn't even get through opening their pile of presents, there were too many and they got distracted and overwhelmed. Also at birthdays we tell the kids that their party is their present from us and their friends and family will bring presents too. This cuts down on tons of stuff. I know most kids are like this also, but they really prefer spending time with us to having lots of things. My girls favorite thing to play with is daddy, wrestling, taking walks, coloring, and they love doing crafts with me. I try to remember this before I buy anything and ask myself if it enhances or diminishes our time spent together.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great idea to have them involved in it. I look forward to the day when Anna does that too! She is very generous with her friends, it just takes some time to learn about giving/sharing more broadly.
ReplyDeleteThat's so wonderful that you've set a good example of not getting/wanting/needing too much stuff. I have noticed at Anna's birthday parties and last Christmas that it does seem like she gets so much stuff it's overwhelming. That's one reason I don't feel bad about allowing to Toy Fairy to eventually remove stuff that doesn't get much attention.
ReplyDeleteI really like the idea of the birthday party being the present too. I think we should do that next year so we can go to a fun place (other than our house!) where Anna can play and enjoy friends and family and we will still have done something special for her.
I also need to strive to limit the amount of stuff at Christmas. It's easy for me to go overboard because I have so much fun buying for her, and when I do it gradually over time, I forget how much stuff I have until I see it all and then think, oops, too much. I suppose I could save some things for another occasion. Anyway, Anna more than anything just loves time together - she is teaching me that lately. What we really need is our fun family time, not the stuff, right? :)
I still did this even when my kids were a little older. They knew I did it and I would say, "If you can tell me what I took, I'll give it back." They never could! :)
ReplyDeleteI have friends who also limit the number of Christmas gifts. They do not do the Santa thing, but instead, they have taught their children about the 3 wisemen who visited Jesus and brought gifts. So, it is the 3 wisemen who "visit" their home and bring each child 3 gifts. I had never heard of that before, but thought it was an interesting idea and a neat way to limit the number of gifts received.
ReplyDelete