We're Not Just Your Punching Bag

It's that time again: another presidential campaign season is upon us. And, as is typical for these things, the candidates vying for their party's nomination to run will pull out all the stops to convince voters and party leadership that they've got what it takes....no matter who they have to hurt or offend in the process. And no matter how elastic the truth has to be.

Why am I writing about this on my parenting blog, you may ask?  Because, of course, the ultra-conservative candidates fighting to be the Republican nominee are once again trotting out their favorite proverbial punching bag: gay rights in America. Particularly gay marriage and gay parenting.

And I already loved Kenneth Cole for his awesome clothes and accessories.

******

Here's a sampling of what's out there:

“This is an issue just like 9-11, we didn't decide we wanted to fight the war on terrorism because we wanted to. It was brought to us. And if not now, when? When the supreme courts in all the other states have succumbed to the Massachusetts version of the law?" -Senator Rick Santorum on gay marriage, as quoted in Pennsylvania’s Morning Call

“There is a gay and secular fascism in this country that wants to impose its will on the rest of us . . . [which is] prepared to use violence, to use harassment.” -- Newt Gingrich to Bill O'Reilly

And let's not forget Rick Perry's infamous anti-gay ad. I know he's out of the running now, but it's still ridiculous.

******

Yes, every four years (and even more often for state elections and ballot initiatives) we go through the same tired debates about how morality in this country is declining and it's all the fault of the damn gays. We hear that combating the gay rights movement is synonymous with waging the war on terrorism. We hear about how gay marriage will mean the end of traditional, heterosexual marriage (with its 50% divorce rate) as we know it. We are told that something will be wrong with kids if they're raised by same-sex parents, that children will learn about it in school, and that then they may be persuaded to be gay.

You know, because everyone is just so darn nice to you when you're gay.  That makes it incredibly appealing.

Really, people?  With a horrible unemployment rate, more Americans falling into poverty all the time, the middle class eroding, and people trying to feed their families - with REAL PROBLEMS that this country has to face that actually do threaten its future - you idiots want to take time out to talk about gay families as if they're the biggest threat to America?

Really menacing, aren't we?

Come the f*** on.

Sorry to be a little pissy today, but I get tired of hearing it. I really do. If I were running for office (which I would never do), does that mean that I would focus on gay issues to the detriment of other things? NO. I would direct the vast majority of my emphasis and energy toward things that really and truly affect most Americans (except the 1%) on a personal level, every day.

Now, being gay obviously does affect me on a personal level. But when we think about the direction we want our nation to go in for the next four years, should something like sexuality or family composition shape our collective vision? The correct answer is no, it shouldn't.

What should shape our vision is making sure people have enough to eat, that they can afford housing for themselves and their kids, that they aren't drowning in debt and dependent on a pitiful amount of government aid. No matter what ignorant people say, it's not a lifestyle to be sought after, or one that people are excited about. Whatever "handouts" are given are not enough, ever.

And on top of not getting enough help, people receiving assistance have the wealthy candidates, who could never relate to their socioeconomic problems even for a second, bashing them for supposedly sitting back and relaxing and taking it easy on their extravagant government dime.

Just like everyone is so nice when you're gay, everyone is also super nice when you're poor. Which is why so many people aspire to that.

Looks like a glamorous neighborhood, huh? (Photo from unnaturalcauses.org)

That's the main reason this offends me - because it shouldn't matter who your neighbor sleeps with or has kids with. That DOES NOT affect you. But when your neighbor might lose his or her house, has no job, and is struggling every day, that should affect you. We should care about each other....not about judging each other, but about helping each other.

I thought that was what made this country great - that we have come together from incredibly diverse backgrounds with a vision of what a good, fair life should be like. That we have a shared welfare and common dreams and that we can all participate in making them reality. Even if we're poor.  Even if we're gay.  Even if we're not white.

Hard work and individual drive are important, to be sure. Self-sufficiency is important too. But some of the people who incorrectly call this a "Christian nation" are the very same people who don't want to reach out to help their fellow Americans because it's the right thing to do. They would rather make sure they get their tax breaks so they keep getting richer at the expense of others. They want to judge and criticize people who are "different" rather than embracing them.

Which is about as far from Jesus' teachings as you can get.

This hypocrisy and diversion from issues of real importance is what really burns me up. And the other thing that gets to me is that candidates talk about things like gay marriage or welfare in a vacuum.  Rick Santorum has referred to the debate over gay marriage as a mere "policy disagreement."  But he and the others apparently fail to realize that it's not merely an abstract topic to analyze. We're not just everyone's favorite political punching bag. We're talking about real issues in the real lives of real people.

It sounds all well and good to climb up on your soapbox and take a moral stand..... but you're talking about me. And Heidi. And our friends. And our kids. You're talking about us but you don't know us. So how dare you judge us.

The reality is that gay marriage will not affect anyone who's not gay and getting married. And being raised by gay parents will not affect kids.  Reputable data shows that children of gay parents turn out no differently than children raised by heterosexual parents.  Check out this article about gay parents if you don't believe me. It's certainly not the only one.

Clearly, Kelsey has had some difficulties.....

In fact, some researchers believe children raised by gay parents are more likely to be tolerant and nonjudgmental because of their backgrounds. And they also point out that in some instances, children of gay parents may have additional emotional security. After all, no gay couple goes, "Oops, we're pregnant!" Gay couples have to go through a lot in terms of time, expense, effort, and often heartache to have children.

But that's not how Rick Santorum sees it.  After all, this is the guy who thinks having a father in prison is better than having no father at all. Hmm. His view is that "the state is not doing a service to the child and to society by not putting that child in a home where there is a mother and a father. This is common sense. This is nature. And what we’re trying to do is defy nature because a certain group of people want to be affirmed by society. And I just don’t think that’s to the benefit of society or to the child.”

Didn't that hit the nail on the head. We didn't decide to raise Anna because she needed us and we bonded with her and she deserved two loving parents who could take great care of her. No, we just did it for the pat on the back, the social affirmation we're clearly receiving. *rolls eyes*

All I can say is that I'm grateful that Anna is too young to pay attention to this kind of thing. But by the time we reach the next presidential election, she will be 8 years old. She will probably hear things said about her family that I'd like her not to hear. She will be confronted by the astonishing ignorance of others.

I can only hope we will have raised her well enough to take it with a grain of salt, to realize that we as Americans generally are better than that. And I can also hope and pray that she will be part of a new generation of more rational, tolerant people who will care about the things that really matter. Like loving each other.

You can't deny that I'm happy!!