More of the 5 Best Decisions I've Ever Made

Yesterday I began to share with you what I feel are the 5 best decisions I ever made and why, which I'll continue today. Try to think of your own best decisions sometime - it will really make you feel good. And hopefully less inclined to focus on the not-so-great decisions.

3.  Going to Law School

Like beginning a relationship with Heidi brought me two daughters to love, going to law school brought Heidi into my life.  Which, if I'm being honest, is probably the main reason I'm glad I went.

This is truly an "everything happens for a reason" story.  I had been a paralegal, which I loved, but I had reached the limit of promotability and professional development.  There was nowhere else to go but lawyer if I was going to stay in this field.

Photo from www.associatesmind.com

And I did want to stay in the field.  I worked for a very small firm that defied every bad lawyer stereotype. They were hard workers, not workaholics.  They were kind and cared about your family life; they didn't expect you to be chained to your desk. They truly wanted to help people who had been catastrophically injured by the negligence of others; they weren't ambulance-chasers.  They really cared about their clients.  I wanted to be a part of that.

The problem was, I was not good at standardized tests and couldn't afford an LSAT prep course.  I took it, and I did okay, but not fabulous. On top of that, the statistics I had used to select schools that I might realistically get into were two years old, and things had changed a lot in those two years.  Law school applications skyrocketed.  Which meant that my score, which would have been good enough for my top picks back then, was not quite good enough anymore.

I tried anyway. And I quickly got an acceptance from the school I ended up going to. I was excited, but it was not my top choice. I didn't really want to move far away. So I waited, anxiously checking the mailbox on my lunch breaks every day.  Then came the rejections, and the wait list notifications. Even my alma mater wait-listed me. I did not get another outright acceptance. If I was going to be a law student, my school choice was made for me. So I had to decide whether to go for it somewhere else or wait another year and try again.

As hard as those rejections were, I figured the universe must really want me to go to that school, to that place.  So despite my misgivings, despite the fact that I knew nobody but my ex in this other state, I went. I said a teary goodbye to my best friend in my driveway after we packed the U-Haul. It really was like something out of a bad movie.  I did not want to leave.  And, had I known he would die just 7 years later, I might not have.

I am glad I went. I was homesick at first and considered transferring back home after my first year.  But I stayed another semester, and then another, and got jobs and made friends and decided that maybe I could stay.  Maybe. I still didn't sign up for which state's Bar I would take after law school. I didn't know.

And then Heidi walked into my life.  My soulmate was in this place.  So, too, would I be. Ten years after moving here with no intention to put down roots, here I am, and my roots are deep. I have a family.  We bought a house.  We have friends and relatives close by. We have good jobs here and the legal community here is wonderful. We are content.

Of course, there is more to my gratitude for law school.  I got a great education. I went to a place with accessible, brilliant professors and great course offerings. I had some larger classes, but most of them were small and very interactive.  I learned to think in a new way. I gained a solid foundation for my career as a lawyer. I met wonderful people. I had a chance to excel, to take on leadership roles, to really push myself way more than I had as an undergraduate. Looking back, I would not have wanted to go to school anywhere else.

With my honey the day I got sworn in to the Bar

I laugh when I think of those rejections now. I am grateful for them beyond measure.

4.  Getting My Job

My post-law school career path has not been a smooth one. I began with a one-year judicial clerkship, which I loved. I went to work at a small litigation firm after that.  But once I began to actually practice law, I realized that it wasn't quite what I had envisioned.  I was handling different types of cases than I expected, such as divorces and criminal matters. There was a lot of paperwork. I was often thrown into court to cover hearings with little to no advance preparation, so I really had to think on my feet. It was great training and confidence-boosting for me. But in the moment it didn't feel like that. In my pre-anxiety medicine days, it just felt terrifying.

Another complicating factor was that I lived an hour away so I spent two hours in the car each day. That did not sit well with my bosses, who wanted me to be more accessible.  In this age of smart phones and email, I thought I still was.  But then I learned about "face time," the expectation that I be present until a certain hour in the evening, and appear sometimes on weekends just because. I am a hard worker, but I have always been a person who tried to structure my time so that I was productive enough to leave in time for dinner at home, even if it meant taking work home at night or over the weekend. That was especially important when home was an hour away.  And that desire became even stronger when we suddenly decided to bring home an infant and had to be up half the night for feedings, and still function the next day in court with no maternity leave.

Running on adrenaline, coffee and love!

It was hard. To say the least.

I felt that I didn't quite fit the gung-ho persona that my bosses wanted.  I consistently turned out quality work, but I just couldn't shake the sense that I wasn't getting something intangible right.  I had chosen a small firm because I didn't want the workaholic culture of big firm life. I knew that with that came a much lower salary, but I thought it was worth it. Until I realized that really, being a lawyer means pretty much the same thing wherever you go.

So after several years, I took a different job, now only 10 minutes from home, which would not put me in court as much. I was working solely on asbestos cases, mostly writing. And I would have Fridays off with Anna! That, too, involved financial sacrifice for our family, and it wasn't the most fascinating area of law in which to work.  But the best part was that I could run all our errands and take care of the house and Anna and still bring in money too. I thought it would be great. Our Friday "Me and You Days" were born, and we loved them.

But then the asbestos litigation world slowed down a bit, and I ended up being taken off salary and forced into contracting. If I thought we struggled before, we really learned the meaning of the word now. I did the same work as before, in the same place, but now got paid by the hour.  No taxes were taken out and I would be considered self-employed, with no idea how much I would take home each week. It's hard to provide for a child like that. So I found other things to do on the side, doing freelance contract work for other companies. I wrote for legal blogs and legal information websites and got paid by the article. I started this blog, mostly for fun, but also with the hope that the ads might make me a little money, or that it might get noticed. I did get roughly $20.

It's hard out there for a contractor....

I constantly looked for jobs, but the market was very weak, and my area already had tons of lawyers. So I got creative. I started selling my old clothes to consignment stores for extra grocery money. Once I got an idea of what the stores would buy, I even started buying clothes cheaply from Goodwill or wherever and trying to sell them for profit.  This was certainly NOT what I had envisioned when I went to law school. But I had to be as resourceful as possible to get through this.

I then saw an ad from a small firm for a personal injury litigation attorney.  I applied but initially did not get a response. Eventually, I was rescued from contracting by a foreclosure firm. I was grateful to have a salary and steady work again, but knew when I accepted the job that it was not for me. And sure enough, several days after I started working there, I got a call from the firm that advertised the litigation job. I had a first interview, and then a second. And then I waited. And waited. I kept in touch with them to remind them I was out there, but didn't hold out much hope because I had gotten close and been rejected before. I was glad I still had a job, but I was not enjoying driving all over the state in dangerous weather conditions to help banks take people's homes from them.  Not. At. All.

I kept emailing and calling. Finally, I was fortunate enough to be hired. Perseverance pays off! Now, this may not qualify as a "decision" I made, considering that my decision would've been impossible without theirs, but I did decide not to give up. I just kept trying to convince them I was the best person for the job and that I belonged there.

Now that I am here, I do belong. I work with experienced, talented, smart people. I have learned so much already. But perhaps more importantly, I work with nice people. Don't get me wrong, I have always worked with nice staff.  But some attorneys are not that way. Especially when you're a young female lawyer with a baby and a partner who is also a lawyer, so you have to share in the parenting responsibilities equally.

At last, I have finally found a place where I can do the work I love - helping injured people - and where my family is also respected. For the first time in my 7 year career as a litigator, I am trusted to manage my workload and figure out how to do it in a way that works for me and my family. And in turn, although I don't often have to be here on weekends, I would have absolutely no problem doing so, and I know that time will come. Because they respect and value me, I am willing to work that much harder for them.

Also, I have the flexibility to come in early so I can leave in time to get Anna from after care. My daughter was just in here last Friday after a doctor's appointment, asking the partners and paralegals what their favorite colors and animals were so she could draw them pictures for their office walls. They chatted with her, gave her snacks and crayons to use, and enjoyed her visit. She was not seen as a nuisance - she was welcomed.

Love me, love my kid!

That, my friends, is priceless. I am so very fortunate that they took a chance on me. And I admit that I am fortunate to have had all of the job experiences I have had.  Good or not so good, they have helped me to be a better attorney, and also helped me appreciate what I now have even more.

Tune in tomorrow for the end of this series! I intended to wrap it up today but found that I had more to say than I'd anticipated.  Anyway, I hope it is making you think about all the good choices you've made and the good things that have happened to you as a result! Please feel free to comment.