The 5 Best Decisions I've Ever Made

When I was driving home from work the other day, I thought, as I often do, about how I couldn't wait to see Anna.  And how I hoped she would behave! LOL.  Then I thought about how lucky I am to have her to come home to....and how I never imagined I'd have a kid at home waiting for me.

Now, I've made plenty of stupid, poor, or just plain bad decisions in my life.  And it seems to me that I dwell on them and punish myself for them way more than I dwell on the positive things that have happened for me as a result of decisions I made.  And I'm not sure why.

And that's just sad.

Guess you never know what will happen.....

So on my drive home, I decided to think about what the best decisions I ever made were. They easily sprang to mind, and I realized they were great ones. Interestingly, I realized that with almost all of them, when I made the decision to do something, I had no idea how whatever it was would turn out, but I did it anyway because I thought I was meant to do it.

And I realized that many of them, for whatever reason, were also the hardest things I've ever done.  So over the next couple of days, I will share with you what I feel my five best decisions are (in no particular order), and why.  And then I hope you'll share some of yours with me in the comments!

1.   Adopting Anna

Everyone knew I'd say this. Becoming a parent to this fabulous, amazing little human being is without doubt one of the best decisions I ever made.  I had no idea what would happen when we first took her home - all I know is I loved her and I felt meant to be with her at that time. I did expect it to probably be temporary, but I hoped that whatever happened, I'd always be a big part of her life.  I didn't over-think it; I just leaped into the adventure and let it happen to me.  I felt that God brought us together.

As time went on, Anna bonded with me like a parent, and I bonded with her like a child. It just happened, the way it was supposed to, without my trying or expecting it. I learned that the day-in, day-out acts of caring for a child connect you in a powerful way, which I honestly had not foreseen.  But this little being depends on you in every way and learns to trust and rely on you, and you are responsible for all of her needs and for her healthy development.  It is an awesome responsibility, and it leads to an amazing bond.

The caterpillar isn't the only one who's very hungry....

While the love was easy, anyone who is a parent knows that child-rearing most decidedly is not.  And when you have the additional complications and relationship dynamics that can come with adoption, that sometimes adds a layer of emotional difficulty. But Anna is not privy to that difficulty at this young age - all she knows is that she is so very loved. Love matters way more than how a particular family came to be. And the hardships we've faced along the way, and will face along our journey, are nothing compared to the love and wonder of the little family we have built.

7 months old!

Anna makes me want to be a better person.  She challenges me, she adores me, she pushes my buttons for fun, she is my constant companion and my sweet girl. She is my world, and while I know that parenting will only get harder over time, I wouldn't have it any other way.

2.  Marrying Heidi

I suppose I should say getting together with Heidi, since marriage was the result of our early journey and the beginning of the journey to come.  I guess I still sometimes pause to think how remarkable it really is that we are legally, really, officially married.

But long before I knew that our legal marriage would be a possibility, I wanted to marry her. I was not looking for love when I fell for Heidi. As with Anna, I felt we were brought together for a reason.  We met at law school at her accepted students orientation when I was in the spring of my first year.  I never went to those types of functions to greet people and network because I'm pretty shy.  But I was asked to go, and I did, and she was the only person I talked to.  There was an instant connection and spark between us. We were meant to encounter each other in that place. But we were both in relationships and didn't see each other again until she started school in the fall.

Every time I passed her in the crowded halls, I noticed her dimpled smile, and it was all I saw in a sea of faces. I didn't realize that on a conscious level, but I did make sure to smile and nod my head every time I saw her.  Then I ended up making the moot court team and being her coach, which gave us a chance to get to know each other better. I kept wanting to know more about her.  And then we danced at law school prom and, assisted by a few drinks, she told me she thought I was hot. I asked her to dance. I will never forget that memory because it was one of those moments that comes out of nowhere and changes your whole life.  Shortly after that, we went on a walk around the bay and talked about our childhoods, our dreams, everything, like we had always known each other.  Like we were soulmates.

Spring 2006

And the rest, as they say, is history.  Free from our bad prior relationships, we began a life together full of hope and love. Loving Heidi brought Kelsey and later Anna into my life. It kept me where I am and made me want to put down roots, to build a life here rather than return to my home state. It made me part of another family who loves and accepts me as one of their own - something I thought I might never have, given that many families do not accept their child's same-sex partner.

It hasn't always been easy - no romantic relationship is. We fight. We have differences of opinion over some things.  We both came to each other with baggage from past relationships and life experiences. We both had issues to deal with to make us better people, for ourselves and each other.  And we have gone through many challenges and major transitions in quick succession.  We both graduated from law school within a year of each other.  For two summers in a row, we dealt with the hellish stress that the Bar exam brings. We had to work to find jobs.  We started new and demanding careers. We realized how hard student loan debt is to live with, and how hard you have to work just to get by.

Then Heidi developed medical problems that required three major surgeries.  My best friend died young and it was devastating. We became parents unexpectedly and faced legal and emotional struggles as part of that. It was great and hard and challenging all at once. We didn't always treat each other well.  Sometimes, when life dealt us difficult hand after difficult hand, we wondered if we would survive. We wondered why our path had become so complicated.  But no matter what happened, no matter what hardships we faced, we stuck them out together.

Fall 2010

We emerged through the storms and reaffirmed our commitment to each other. Our love has endured a lot. But it made us stronger and brought us closer together.  And this summer we stood before each other and our dearest friends and family and pledged our lives to each other.  We already had, of course, but something about making those public declarations makes you feel it more deeply, for lack of a better way to describe it. We already did, but there is something I can't put into words about the transformation getting married brought us.

Although we had to fight hard for marriage equality, I am glad it happened when it did.  I think there is something really special about going through a number of years together, and seeing each other as we really are, warts and all, and still deciding, after everything, yep, you're the one. I cannot imagine my life with anyone else by my side. And I am so blessed to be with her.

Newlyweds! August 2013

Those are the big ones, but I will save the others for tomorrow.