about a study conducted that produced the Top 10 Most Important Parental Competencies that lead to happy, and healthy children. If you didn't catch that post, make sure you read the post because not only is it interesting, but the discussions here spawned a series of posts by Mama T exploring each one. Anyway, I am always on the look-out for scientific explainations or solutions/suggestions of things.. and as the perpetual "Uncle" to many, and with only the partial raising of a step-son under my belt, this type of stuff arms me with suggestions to offer others that I haven't personally tried myself.
And just in case you are thinking that I'm one of those nosy people that butt in and make suggestions to others about techniques they should use instead of what they are doing when raising their children... I am. A little bit. But I'm digressing again.
I really don't butt in. I only offer advice when asked. Oh who am I kidding... I butt in. But I do it in a nonjudgmental way and only to friends and family (not strangers) and I know that it is never that easy parenting when you are with the child 24/7 and are exhausted, have no help, etc. Sorry again! Back to the article!
Many of you may have already seen it, or heard it, as the article/story is from NPR's Morning Edition radio show: What's Behind A Temper Tantrum? Scientists Deconstruct The Screams. In addition to the article, make sure you also read a transcript of the report from Morning Edition.)
The scientists in the study have analyzed the "anatomy" of a tantrum using sophisticated sound collection and processing. Basically when we hear a collection of screams, crying, and thrashing around, the scientists have broken all of that down and have determined that there is a pattern and rhythm. But contrary to previous beliefs that tantrums have two stages: anger then sadness, rather the sound analysis shows the two emotions are intertwined.
"[The Scientists] found that sad sounds tended to occur throughout tantrums. Superimposed on them were sharp peaks of yelling and screaming: anger.
The trick in getting a tantrum to end as soon as possible [... is] to get the child past the peaks of anger. Once the child was past being angry, what was left was sadness, and sad children reach out for comfort. The quickest way past the anger, the scientists said, was to do nothing. Of course, that isn't easy for parents or caregivers to do."I know you are probably thinking "this is all well and good, but how does it help me?" The conclusion from the scientists is that doing nothing is the key. Even asking questions or trying to explain to the child why they cannot have/do/etc. what they want makes it worse.
"You know, when children are at the peak of anger and they're screaming and they're kicking, probably asking questions might prolong that period of anger. [...] It's difficult for them to process information. And to respond to a question that the parent is asking them may be just adding more information into the system than they can really cope with."The article shares several examples of tantrums (provided by miscellaneous people that for some reason have filmed their children having them and put them up on YouTube) that illustrate the points from the study.
Below is a video from the story that discusses what the scientists have studied:
So what do you guys think? Is this useful information? Does it make sense? Let us know in the comments.
It's useful because I am going to show it to my husband! I have learned after having 3 children that doing nothing during a tantrum works best. It took a lot of trial and error but I learned it. My husband has not learned that. It is understandable he has not had as much "training" as he is not around the children as much, but he also does not like to think he is wrong. His method of dealing with outbursts is to lash back, he wants total obedience and doesn't care that an unreasonable child is not going to listen just because he said so. I am going to show him the science behind my theory and I am going to try really hard not to say " I told you so!" LOL
ReplyDeleteIt is SO hard to make yourself not do anything during a tantrum. I tried the reasoning approach, explaining, arguing, losing my cool, etc. and ultimately realized it passes a lot more quickly, and it's less painful, if you just let them get it out. Sometimes I just look at Anna and ask, "Are you done yet?" and she knows I'm not going to do anything until she says yes. Of course, sometimes it's bad enough that it's hard for me to just sit there and let her go through it without trying to calm her or discuss things, but when they're like that, in the moment, there's no talking to them. You'll have to tell us what your hubby said about this!
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