Thank You For Being a Friend

Today's post is a tribute to the best friend I have ever had, my unofficial brother, Ken.  Those of you who know me know how devastated I was almost two years ago when he passed away far too young after a difficult battle with cancer. On this date he would have turned 41.

Ours was a long and beautiful friendship filled with laughter and love and yes, occasional drama. Thankfully, though, that drama was never with each other! For ten years, we supported each other through relationship problems, breakups, family drama, financial difficulties, relocation... the disappointments and challenges of life. But we also celebrated life's triumphs and joys: the beginnings of new relationships, professional successes, career changes, and happy events like falling in love with a beautiful little baby girl.

Taking on NYC, Aug. 2004

So I notice his absence not just when I'm sad or struggling, although the impulse to instantly pick up the phone and call him is still there. But I also notice it when I'm happy, when I accomplish something important, when I have joyful news to share. A phone call to him was almost always my first. Never making one again has been a bitter pill to swallow.

Christmas 2003

What does this have to do with my parenting blog, you may ask?  Truthfully - not much. But it's what's on my heart and mind today.  And remembering Ken, honoring his memory, makes me want to teach Anna to appreciate her friends and to be a good friend to others. Those are among the many lessons Ken taught me.

It is one of my greater sorrows that he isn't here to see the parent I have become, and to get to know this wonderful little person who is my world. He was probably as surprised as anyone when I decided to take Anna in the first place. But knowing me as well as he did, he was not surprised when I fell in love with her.

He supported me in everything I did, and becoming a parent was no exception. I'm glad that right before I lost him, he encouraged me in this difficult but wonderful journey and affirmed me as a good parent. I'm glad he got to see Anna on two occasions before her first birthday, although sadly she would not remember that.

Yet, she knows he is present in some way. She has often asked about him, as I've mentioned before. And the other day when she was asking Heidi where God was, she reasoned that he was "up in the sky, like Ken." Those moments are really touching because I know his memory lives on in all of us who loved him.

Thank you for being my friend.

Celebrating my law school graduation, May 2006