The Hard Is What Makes It Great

I'm sure some of you recognize this quote from the movie, "A League of Their Own." Tom Hanks portrays Jimmy Dugan, the manager of a World War II-era women's baseball team. He's trying to talk his star player, Dottie (played by Geena Davis), out of giving up the game mid-season to go start a family. When Dottie says things just got too hard, Jimmy replies:

"It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard...is what makes it great."

I've thought back to this quote a number of times over the years, especially when I've doubted myself or my ability to get through something. I've reminded myself that nothing worth doing is ever that easy, and that sometimes the best things aren't supposed to be easy.

The hard is what makes it great.

Hanks & Davis, "A League of Their Own" (photo from classic--movies.blogspot.com)

Nobody I know would say that parenting is easy. Sure, there are easy, fun, carefree days at the park or the beach, and cuddle time and story time before bed. But there's also the work of enforcing rules and setting limits and standing firm. Even more importantly, there are the huge responsibilities of shaping the character and intellect of this little human, teaching her right from wrong, giving her the tools to be a successful adult someday, holding her hand through her struggles now and preparing her for the struggles ahead.

Nothing about any of that is easy.

In order to do those things well, we parents need to be prepared. We need to be the best role models and guides we can be.

And that isn't terribly easy, either. But we owe it to our kids - and to ourselves - to try.

As I discussed on the blog last week, I recently got a life coach, which I explained in the post, "Get a Life!". I knew I needed to make some changes, and, as I discuss in the post, "Finding Me," I've begun to do just that.

But now I'm coming to a more difficult place. I've started with the changes that were fairly easy to accomplish. Despite their relative ease, I'm proud of myself for doing that because it still required making that choice and sticking to my values and following through on my commitments.

But there is more work to be done. Soul-searching, emotional, difficult work.

My coach just gave me a list of 26 questions I'm supposed to answer. And not one of them is simple. Here are some examples:

• If you could do anything you wanted, what would it be? What would that look like?
• If you could re-do your life, what would you do differently?
• What do you want...really want?
• What is it to have a full, rich life?
• What don't I want?  (and maybe that's easier to answer than the one about what I do want)
• If you were at your best, what would you do right now?
• When you are 95 years old, what will you want to say about your life?

I'm betting those of you reading this would have to sit with those questions for some time, as I have, and really think about them before answering. Because some of this is stuff I've never really thought about - either because it hasn't occurred to me, or because I've believed that I can't have what I really want so why bother thinking about it?

Well, neither of those are acceptable answers in this coaching exercise.

I'm working on this "homework" as best I can, but it's going to take some real thought and soul-searching to know how to even begin to answer some of these questions. I'm just trying to keep in mind that it is the very challenge of this exercise, and of making these changes in my life, that will make it great.

After all, how can I go further to create the life I want if I don't know what that is?  How can I be at my best when I am not doing the things that bring out the best in me - when I may not even know what they are?

So, here's to soul searching and new, exciting discoveries. I think one of the reasons some of us fear these sorts of self-explorations is that we fear what we might learn - and we fear that, once we know what changes we need to make, we'll be too scared to make them. But that is exactly why we need to make them.

I'm trying to face these fears so that I can become the best person I can be - and the best parent too. If I can guide the direction of my own life in a more bold, authentic way, I know I'll be able to help guide Anna on her journey too. I'll leave you with this thought:

A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.

--William Shedd

Photo from welovelocalgovernment.wordpress.com