Tuesday, August 9, 2011

I Said No, I Said!

Raise your hands if your child’s most recent favorite word is “no.”  And I don’t just mean a simple, polite no, I mean a raging scream, i.e. “NOOOOO!!”

“No” is the thing Anna says most often these days, with “I love you!” coming in at a close second.  The thing I say most often is “I love you,” followed by, “Be careful with your body!”  We are creatures of habit, so it makes sense that we have particular phrases or words we often repeat without even thinking.

However, the “no” phenomenon drives me nuts. I’m sure many of you have been there, if you’re not there now.  Here’s one example of a regular “conversation,” if you can call it that:

Me:  “Anna, it’s time for dinner.”
Anna: “No!”
Me:  “You need to eat something, honey.”
Anna: “No!”
Me:  “You’re going to be hungry later.”
Anna:  “No!”
Me:  “Do you say anything besides no?”
Anna: “NO!”

And it goes on and on.  When she needs to add emphasis, it’s “I said no, I said!”

Add one to the karma list.

I know I was a difficult child, at least verbally. I usually did what was expected of me, but not without protest.  If I really didn’t want to do something, I’d often cave, but make sure my parents were as miserable as possible during the whole process by complaining and talking back. It was probably my way of daring them to ask me to do something again. Try it again! See what happens, I thought to myself.

Now here I am, confronted by a strong-willed, smart, independent little being with an advanced vocabulary and no shortage of attitude…..and no shortage of NO.

It’s mini-me!

Anna and I may not look alike, but she is exactly like I was. It’s tempting to ask my parents how they dealt with me, but they might find too much humor in that, so I haven’t gone there yet. I’ll wait until I’m desperately in need of assistance.

Until then, I am left to wonder why even the smallest requests or directions (put your shirt on, brush your teeth, pick out a story, come eat, etc.) often meet with the big N-O.  Do our toddlers do this because they can?  Because it’s fun?  Because they have an innate drive to make everything as difficult as possible? Because they chafe against authority and want to establish as much independence as they can?

I suspect it’s most likely the latter, although the other reasons seem compelling too.  I have never met anyone who can complicate and draw out even the simplest tasks the way Anna can.  Toddler brain wiring is fascinating, yet frustrating.

I don’t have a solution to the problem of no; I’m just ruminating on the irony of being confronted with my own behavior and also on the significant change in Anna’s personality.  She’s still pretty easygoing as kids go, but it’s definitely a big adjustment from our pre-“terrible twos” days.

There’s really nothing I can do about this, I suppose, other than resign myself to the fact that I will be hearing “no” a lot, but I will need to stand my ground anyway until we are through with this phase, even when it’s painful.
Anna with Llama, obviously she just said "No!"

Please tell me it ends before too long! We parents need a break between these toddler battles and teenage ones…..

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