Surely some of you have met her. She sprawls out in her chair, lounging and trying to read a novel and devouring chips while her unruly children run around like wild animals, nearly drowning in the lake and getting into fights with each other and with other kids. And she has the gall to get mad at them for it, screaming at them while a cigarette dangles from her lips. Given the sound of her voice, she’s probably got beer in her travel mug, but I can’t be sure.
We recently encountered her at the lake. There we were, peacefully having a snack on our beach towel, when we heard her harrowing voice: “What the hell are you doing, kids? Get away from there! You’re driving me nuts!” And she wonders why they misbehave.
Why do people like this even have children – especially when people who can’t have kids but really want them would be phenomenal parents? Don’t answer that, I know: the universe is a mysterious place. And life is often unfair. But I do wonder why, if they’re not enjoying their kids’ company, they drag them to a beach only to alternately ignore them and yell at them….? Is it, perhaps, selfishness?
Does it ever occur to Nasty Beach Lady that, just maybe, if she played with her kids, if they actually interacted in a way that didn’t involve yelling, they might not be such terrors?
It’s not rocket science.
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| Anna dancing to Bob Marley w/Mama Heidi, Cape Cod, 2010 |
I enjoy time to unwind at the beach as much as the next person. In my pre-child days, I’d take my iPod, put on my headphones, and enjoy some music while dozing or reading a book. I’d take breaks to snack or swim and then go back to being lazy. Who doesn’t enjoy that?
I still like to relax that way, but my ability to do so is, of course, not as regular as it used to be. If I wanted to do that, though, I would arrange child care and go alone or with a friend. If my aim was to have some “me” time, I would most certainly not bring Anna, let her play on her own and maybe wander off, get hurt, or, God forbid, drown, just so I could read another few pages of my book. And then get angry with her for daring to want my attention enough to act out to get it.
“If you don’t stop that, I’m gonna smack you, you little brat!”
Ouch. How do you think the kids on the receiving end of NBL’s rant felt? Probably embarrassed, I’d say. Or worse – maybe they didn’t feel anything because they’re so used to this kind of treatment at home. Either way, I didn’t bother to hide the disgusted expression on my face.
This reminds me of my earlier discussion of “bad kids” and the message is simple: your kids are (in large part, anyway) what you make them. This goes for Nasty Beach Lady too. If they’re naughty, unruly, loudmouths who spew profanity and harass the other beachgoers, your first move shouldn’t be to scream at them – it should be to take a long, hard look in the mirror. Chances are they’re turning into you, NBL.
And as much as the rest of us would like to intervene, only you have the power to stop it.
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| Ahh, tranquility after NBL has departed |
I haven't met this lady, but when I am at the beach I am a nervous wreck and tend to not notice other people.
ReplyDeleteSo, two things came to mind while I was reading this post.
First, the woman probably does not know any different about how to raise her kids because that is how she was treated as a child. Life and research has taught me that one of two things happen when adults grow up and have kids of their own. They either copy exactly what was done to them, particularly if they feel they had a great childhood, or have never learned that there is anything wrong with how they were raised. Or they do the complete opposite. Most people who copy what was done to them as children would probably say something like "Yeah my mom treated us that way, and I didn't like it then, but I turned out okay."
The other thing that occurred to me was when I read the part about "Why do people like this even have children" I have never asked myself this question, because then I would have to question why anyone has children. We live in an imperfect world and I have never been one to see things as only black or white. There are so many shades of gray in life and I try to remember that those shades of gray make life worth living. Who knows why any bad things happen in life, but speaking as an adult who suffered as a child, I would not change my life or my sufferings for anything, because it has made me who I am today. Ultimately it is the good, AND the bad that makes us who we are, and we have to either accept that and use it for good, or deny it and allow it to make us angry and bitter.
Just my two cents.
That is an excellent outlook. I too am thankful even for my struggles because I wouldn't be the person I am now without having experienced them.
ReplyDeleteYou're probably right that her behavior was learned, and that is sad - I just hope the cycle doesn't continue with her kids, and their kids, etc. I just have such a hard time seeing kids get yelled at or berated in public. They often look like they want to crawl under a rock and I feel so bad for them....especially because this could make them turn into sad or angry adults. But you're right, sometimes kids do learn what NOT to do from their parents, and we never know anyone else's full story. I didn't intervene or anything, I just hated witnessing it and having Anna see that too.