Hey Maggie: You Don't Have to Be Barbie!

Good morning, folks.  Grab some coffee – it’s rant time again.

The last time we had a “book review” sort of post, we looked at the book Go the [Bleep] to Sleep by Adam Mansbach. The post put forth two competing views on the fairly controversial book (I saved my own for the comments), and the lively discussion that ensued was quite interesting.

This time, however, I’m not going to let the discussion begin without telling you exactly where I stand:  I am appalled by the concept of this book.

 What is it, you ask?

It’s called Maggie Goes on a Diet by Paul Kramer, scheduled for an October release. I first read about it in an online column by Jamie Tripp Utitus that appeared on www.nj.com, which was sent to me courtesy of my friend Brenda (read her post on family literacy if you haven’t already!).  

So, if you want some legalese, the information I have about this book is basically hearsay. I haven’t read the book itself because I’m not spending $1 of my hard-earned money on this kind of crap. But, I don’t need to read it in order to assess and criticize the idea behind it after having read this article and done a little homework. 

I confess that I had to take a few deep breaths before writing about this one. How many different ways can I say something is awful?  Seriously.  This book is about a chubby, 14-year-old girl who is starts to concentrate on dieting and – boom! – happiness and popularity magically ensue. She loses weight and plays sports when, before, “Most everyone chuckled as Maggie got up to bat. Maggie was not only clumsy, she was also quite fat.”

 

To clarify, this is not a novel or anything.  It’s a rhyming PICTURE BOOK FOR YOUNG GIRLS and is targeted to kids between 4 and 8. In case you wondered.

Photo of book cover from www.nj.com

Putting aside for the moment the valid points that some children struggle with obesity and do not get enough activity, this was absolutely the wrong way to go about making the point that these issues should be dealt with constructively.

Perhaps the author should’ve stopped and thought:  What message am I sending to young girls here?  That weight loss = friends and popularity?  That they should be even more focused on their bodies than they are already due to media bombardment? Apparently he didn’t think of that. 

This book would be written by a man. And no, I am not getting all lesbian sexist on you.  I say that because a man would have no clue what it feels like to be that 14-year-old girl, probably starting high school, dealing with weight and acne and awkwardness and insecurity, competing with other girls for dates and constantly feeling like you’ll never be as pretty as models or the girls in movies or in magazine ads for beauty products.

Photo from dailymail.co.uk - re: Fashion Week and banning models that are too thin

He’ll never truly be able to comprehend what it feels like to be confronted every day with an image of femininity to which, realistically, you will never live up….not without starvation diets and plastic surgery and airbrushing, anyway.

Make no mistake about it, those messages are everywhere.  They’re in advertising, movies, TV commercials and shows, music, and the list goes on. And this book is really geared to readers younger than the age of the main character.  Girls' image indoctrination starts early. (Google "images for diet magazine" and see what you find.) I don’t know about you, but the last thing I want Anna to read about as she learns to read is dieting. The last thing I want her wondering is whether she, like Maggie, has a “big behind.”  Yes, that’s a quote.

And the use of the word “diet” was purposeful.  Ms. Utitus notes that, when the author was interviewed on a morning TV show, he said that word needed to be used because people would “connect” to it more than just using a word like “healthy.”  Translation:  I want to capitalize on many girls’ insecurities and their obsession with weight, so I need to make it clear what I’m talking about here in order for them to buy my product. And he claims that he can’t understand why the book has become controversial.

That’s just terrific. Never mind that being a healthy person for the long term involves a whole lot more than just going on a diet because you’ve been shamed into it by the taunts of peers.

Photo credit: istockphoto (from cbsnews.com)

I do understand that in our superficial world, it very well may be true that superficial things like appearance have a disproportionate effect on one’s social standing. But what do we do about that?  Do we simply accept it and tell our kids they must change to fit the mold, or do we challenge these notions and help to change the mold ourselves?

There’s one thing I know that leads to more friendships and popularity that clearly isn’t the subject of this book: happiness.  That’s right, people tend to be drawn to other people who are happy. They are content with themselves and it shows.  Confidence results.

So, the question then becomes:  How do you turn into one of those happy people that people want to be friends with, by succumbing to dieting fads and starving yourself?  Or maybe, just maybe, by learning to love yourself for who you are? By accepting yourself and others?  By making changes in your life that are positive because you want to, not to please other people, or to gain “friends”?  

Because let me tell you, if those people wouldn’t talk to you when you were heavier, they’re not true friends just because they all of a sudden speak to you now.

As Ms. Utitus points out, the discussion easily could have been framed in a more positive way.  There’s nothing wrong with encouraging your kids to accomplish their goals, or showing them images and stories about healthy living – books about kids exercising, eating yummy veggies at snack time with their friends, running around outside with friends, feeling healthy and happy. Those are good messages. Health IS, after all, important and it’s our job to educate our kids about being healthy people.

The Sesame Street approach:  Cookie Monster likes healthy food too! (from muppet.wikia.com)

But if there’s one thing I know about kids, it’s that they naturally rebel against what they’re told to do. Beat them over the head (figuratively, of course) with an idea and they will run as fast as they can in the opposite direction. Which means that using a book like this as a teaching tool stands a good chance of turning them off, or upsetting them, or making them feel worse than they already might inside. In turn, that means they won’t make real, lasting positive changes because the advice came from a negative place.

And here’s another thing to remember:  if your kids think you don’t love them for who they are, that you want them to change, it’s likely that they won’t talk to you about things that matter.  Unconditional love is priceless. And the way you frame an issue will be the way your kids frame it for years, whether you know it or not.  Trust me.

Back to positive messages:  Why couldn’t Maggie become a surprise Most Valuable Player on her soccer team regardless of dieting?  Or take a cooking class and learn to make healthy stuff because learning to cook can be fun? Surely there had to be some way to promote a positive, healthy lifestyle for kids who are struggling without encouraging dieting in young children. Surely there’s a better approach than to make them feel even worse about themselves, to drive home the message that nobody will like them if they’re overweight, that they’ll be teased just like Maggie, that all you have to do to fit in is change to be like everybody else.

Photo from www.dietsinreview.com

Because being like everybody else has got to be better than being yourself, right?

In a day and age when kids are teased and ridiculed and often bullied about anything and everything, why should books be sending the message that it’s not those mean kids that need to change, it’s the kids who are getting ridiculed that need to just become as good as everyone else and then life will get easier?

Maybe I’m overreacting.  If so, I’ll trust you to let me know that in the comments. I’d LOVE to hear what you have to say about this one.  Is Maggie’s story a good message?  Would you share it with your young daughter?  Or is any potential goodness in the message drowned out by the feeling of inadequacy that young women confront at every turn, to which this book contributes?  I can tell you one thing, Anna will never pick it up.  Discuss.