It Only Takes a Second

Okay, I know we got off to a humorous start this week, but this is too important to save for another time.

I recently wrote about child safety issues in the context of our discussion about the parenting skills article.  In response to that, a friend shared a story with me on Facebook – a story that has been at the forefront of my mind ever since. Now, I want to share it with you.

The story is written by a now-adult woman named Susan on her blog, “Between Naps on the Porch.”  It describes in chilling detail the two near-miss abductions she experienced as a child. She came so close to being kidnapped that it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. If circumstances had been just a little different on either occasion, she may not have been alive to write about her experiences.  We can all learn from them.  Please read her post here.

To sum it up, one of the attempts involved a man who pulled up beside her in his car as she walked home.  He told her to get in his car and he would get her some candy, and she wisely refused.  He had left the car and was standing in front of her, blocking her path.  She knew this was a bad situation but had trouble dealing with it in the moment.  Thankfully, he ultimately got frustrated and gave up.  She was lucky not to have been abducted in broad daylight.

Photo Credit: Melka/Darmyn via Mabel Lee

The other attempt involved a car with several men in it, the occupants of which also pulled up beside her and opened the door as she walked alone.  One of the men said he was a friend of her father’s and would give her a ride home.  This also raised red flags but almost seemed okay to her because of the reference to her dad.  But she had been told never to get in a car with a stranger. She refused and again escaped who knows what awful fate.

Photo Credit: drivingtips.org

You really should read both stories; I haven’t done them justice recounting them here.

It’s hard to impart safety lessons to children who trust automatically and basically believe in the innate goodness of people without terrifying them.  Of course, we don’t want to do that. But when it comes to this stuff, it’s better to be safe than sorry, to err on the side of caution that could save our children’s lives.

I’ve already told Anna about not talking to strangers or going somewhere with them, but kept it pretty simple. I can’t envision a situation at this age where she’d ever be away from the watchful eyes of her parents or teachers.

The other day, though, we were driving home from the store and were stopped at a stoplight in one of the double left turn lanes. I stared straight ahead until I heard Anna giggling in the backseat. I looked and saw her playing peekaboo with the guy in the car next to us.  He was laughing and it looked like he had his family with him too. All in all, it was pretty harmless.

Then we turned, and after a minute the car that had been next to us drove off in a different direction. Anna asked where they went and I said I didn’t know. She then wanted to follow them. I got scared.

Obviously, with me right there and us safely inside our car, the peekaboo game posed no danger to Anna. What ran through my mind is: What if she does this when I’m not around and she’s not in a car? What if she lets her guard down and forgets not to talk to strangers because they seem so nice?

Who is a stranger, anyway?

I told her, as I had before, that most people are nice, but not everyone is, and sometimes there are bad people who take kids away or try to hurt them.  Even if they seem nice, or offer candy, or say they have a puppy, if you do not know them, DO NOT follow them or get in their car. Ever. Period. No matter how friendly they may be. Because we don’t know if they’re good people or not.

She kept asking me why, like this seemed absolutely ridiculous to her. I said that we don’t know at first whether someone is nice and how or whether we interact with strangers depends on the situation. If we’re in the grocery checkout line together and the person next to us says hi to her or compliments her on how cute she is, we can respond. I’m right there and it’s okay.

But if I’m not there, and neither is another adult she knows, like a relative or a teacher, then it’s not okay to talk to someone you don’t know, even if they seem like fun or they say they have candy.  You should yell and run away. “They might hurt you and take you away from me.  They might not let you come home,” I explained. “And I would miss you for the rest of my life.”

Anna was freaked out for a bit after this conversation, understandably. I almost wish we hadn’t had it because she seemed shell-shocked.  But then I thought back to the near-miss kidnappings.  Susan’s relatives’ words about not going anywhere with strangers echoed in her mind when she was in those scary situations.

I have to make sure Anna also has the knowledge necessary to be able to handle any situation. Not that one or two conversations is the end of it – this will be a lesson repeated and learned over time– but it's a start.  At the end of Susan’s post, she has also listed some important safety tips to share with your kids, which are also a good teaching tool.

The next day, we were out shopping.  Anna was looking at toys and I was, at most, a foot or two away looking at clothes for her with her directly in my sight the whole time.  She could see me too. Even so, she said, “Mom, come over here right next to me so a stranger doesn’t get me. Because I would miss you!”

Photo Credit: The Luna Park Gazette

I had to chuckle. I’m glad this worked itself into her consciousness so that she thought of it in another situation, and I'm also happy that she was able to talk about it matter-of-factly without seeming terrified. I hope this means I got through to her.  Because most people aren’t as lucky as Susan. It only takes a second for your life to change forever.