"Listening" to Your Limits

I usually don’t know what will strike me enough to write about it until the post starts coming out on paper. Apparently, the listening theme I started this week is still speaking to me – and I’m listening! (ha ha, I know, that was bad) – so I’ve decided to continue with it today.

The idea of “listening” to our limits is not a new one. In fact, this is something that busy parents (and others too) grapple with on a regular basis.

So, what does it mean to listen to our limits?

Anna goes & goes until her limits catch up with her!

We have a pretty good innate sense of what we can and can’t handle.  There’s always that little voice inside that tries to warn us when we are taking on too much, physically or emotionally. Whether we listen to that voice is up to us.

Sometimes, of course, it’s good to push our limits.  After all, in some contexts, we won’t know what we can do if we don’t try. And by trying new things, stepping out of our comfort zones, or pushing boundaries, we just might end up having awesome experiences or meeting wonderful new people. That’s always a great feeling.

Photo from reasontorun.com

However, sometimes we don’t heed that inner warning that we’ve reached our limit. Sometimes, it’s not a good thing to push ourselves too hard. We may wind up overtired, achy, irritable, or stressed. Or all of the above. That’s not good for us…and it’s not good for our kids, either.

What we really need to do is acknowledge, and abide by, our physical limits. Those have certainly been in the forefront of my mind after recently spraining my ankle. I’m the first to admit that I have pushed my body beyond its limits, and that’s unwise.

I’ve probably slowed the pace of healing for my poor ankle by not resting it as much as I should.  Some of that is beyond my control, just a function of the demands of life, and some of it is my own stupidity and restlessness.

In short, I haven’t done a fabulous job of listening to and acknowledging my body’s limits…after all, it’s much easier to dispense advice than to follow it yourself, isn’t it?  And I confess this goes beyond the ankle.

 One thing I’ve almost always had a difficult time with is sleeping. I’m usually so exhausted from our daily routine that I fall asleep with Anna. That’s kind of a bummer in terms of lack of evening fun time for me, but sometimes it is exactly what I need.

Some of us have NO problem listening to our limits!

All too often, however, I randomly wake up at 10:30 at night and instead of rolling over and continuing to sleep, I force myself to stay up so I can play around online or talk to Heidi or read, just to say I did something relaxing for myself. Clearly this is contrary to the message my body sent me when I fell fast asleep. I needed the rest. But….. I don’t always listen.

Not smart, huh?

Our bodies are good at signaling us. When our muscles cry out for relief, when our knees ache, when we start nodding off while we watch TV…..these are all messages our bodies are sending to us. Stop!, they say. You’re hurting me! This is too much! I’m tired!

Photo from medicinenet.com/knee_pain

Do we listen to them?

This goes far beyond physical issues, though. Our mental and emotional limits are just as vital to living a healthy, balanced life.  Unfortunately, these can be even harder to heed, with even more difficult consequences for us.

How good are we at saying “no”?  We love our families and friends and want to help them out. Heidi regularly takes her grandmother grocery shopping because that task has become too hard for her to manage alone. We often step up to host family events because we have a large extended family and ours is the biggest, most logical space to use. We make time to support and listen to our friends when they’re having a tough time. We give rides to the people in our life who don’t have cars so they can more easily run errands.

None of these things, taken alone, are too much to handle. It feels good to help out our loved ones. It feels good to say yes. Conversely, it feels terrible to say no……but there are times when that is absolutely what we need to do.

Any one task is manageable, but combining a lot of small tasks often multiplies our stress, and then it becomes unmanageable.  When life feels unmanageable, it gets hard to take care of ourselves, much less our kids. That stress doesn’t just take a mental or emotional toll – after awhile, it takes a toll on our physical health too.

So how do we listen to those more sensitive limits?  How do we learn to say no?

Photo from vataworld.wordpress.com

Unfortunately, there’s no magical formula for that. You just have to take a deep breath and, as kindly as possible, regretfully inform whomever is asking something of you that you would love to help, but you just can’t this time. That’s all you need to say.

Now, I’m the kind of person who feels compelled to justify or explain things, and that’s a bad habit. I shouldn’t have to justify my need to listen to my own limits and to do what I need to do for my own health and for my family.  

This is what the holidays do to us.....ok, the seriousness was totally faked.

 
It’s hard, because I don’t want to hurt anyone or make them angry, but I also don’t want to run myself into the ground to the point that I can’t take care of Anna in the way that I need to.  I overdid it a couple of years ago and got the swine flu.  Let me tell you, that was no fun.

More recently, I allowed myself to become so stressed I needed a colonoscopy to make sure nothing more serious was wrong. Thankfully, there wasn’t a major health issue – but it was also rather frustrating to know that I was letting myself get stressed enough that it seriously affected my body in a negative way.

So, I simply try to make myself remember that the people I love will understand and anyone who doesn’t…..well, they don’t have my best interests at heart, or my kid’s, and that’s just not okay.

It’s crucial to listen to the messages our minds and bodies send. They are our defense mechanisms. They are there to protect us and to keep us healthy. To be the best people we can be, and the best parents, we need to honor those limits. If we don’t, we won’t be the only ones to suffer – our kids will too. This is my wake-up call to myself – maybe it can be yours as well.