Finding Me

Yesterday, I discussed some of the reasons behind my decision to start working with a life coach. The question then becomes, how is it going? (After all, it is a work in progress, as are most things.)  The answer?

It's awesome.

I've only been coaching for roughly a couple of months, and in that time, I've noticed some BIG changes in myself.

For starters, I'm more energetic. I finally got a gym membership, something I haven't done in a few years, and am developing a workout routine that suits me now. I haven't done that since before Anna was born.....back in 2008. And it feels really good.

Of course, intellectually, I know the benefits of exercise. That's a no-brainer. But making yourself actually do it can be tough, especially when you have a demanding schedule, a young child, and a body that has become out of shape. Still, I remember how good I used to feel when I worked out regularly.

Even though I can't do some of those things now, like run (damn runner's knee), I can still walk and bike and swim. So there's simply no excuse not to do those things if they will not only make me healthier, but make me feel happier. That's another huge benefit of exercise for me: I just feel generally happier. And I'm sure my improved mood makes my family happy, too.

(I'm going to re-read this on those days when I'm feeling lazy.....)

I'm also trying to return to healthier eating habits. I've mostly cut out candy and soda - to the best of my ability, anyway. I'm not eating as much - no it's not a diet, and yes I'm certainly getting enough. It's a good thing because having a sedentary job these past few years really makes me want to snack. In fact, just writing about it makes me want to walk to CVS for candy, so let's move on.

Feeling better and being in a better mood makes me a lot nicer to be around at home. The struggles of raising a young child, financial problems, family issues and career stress have all conspired over the years to take somewhat of a toll on my relationship with Heidi. We are still committed to each other, to be sure. But we need to get reacquainted as those people who fell in love seven years ago, and not just as Anna's parents or people who pay a mortgage together or two lawyers or the two exhausted lumps on either end of the couch. Those are the things we talk about most, and that's not exactly romantic or fulfilling all the time.

But we love each other, and we are both trying to make positive changes in our lives. I know that will make us more like the happier people we were when we got together - and coaching is teaching me that person is still inside me somewhere! - and make it easier to relax and enjoy each others' company. We have some great summer goals for family time and time with just the two of us, and combined with the other good things that are happening for us, I believe it will make a big difference in our level of happiness and closeness. We're definitely moving in the right direction.

Another HUGE thing is that I feel like I'm becoming a better parent. I've written on MLWP before about how abnormally patient I was with Anna for about the first two and a half years of her life....and how difficult it is to retain that patience now that she's smart enough to really push my buttons, talk back, and generally test limits.

One big aspect of the dissatisfaction I've had with myself is that I sometimes get upset too easily and raise my voice too often. I don't know if it's the increased self-awareness or the reborn desire to improve myself, or my good mood, or maybe all of those - but I feel a lot more in control now. I yell less. I feel calmer when meltdowns start. I try not to let any rising frustration get the best of me. Obviously, I'm far from perfect, but I have improved and it makes me happier.

Anna is happier, too. We've always had an incredibly tight bond, but lately she has been extra clingy with me, and extra excited about our Fridays together ("It's you, me and the open riiiiiide! That's riiiiight!"). She asks me every morning, "Is it a school day, or me and you?" If it's a school day, we count down the days until Friday.

Which brings me to the biggest positive thing in my life, which isn't really tied to life coaching, but certainly helps the process- we are finally able to officially adopt Anna! Those of you who know us know that it's been a long and difficult road, and I'm so happy to say that we now have the blessing of both of Anna's biological parents to become her legal parents.

It's emotionally overwhelming when I think about it. Our adoption is currently pending in court, and things are going smoothly.  When it is final, I know without a doubt it will be the happiest day of my life. She has long felt like my child, but being able to officially, really say she is my daughter is something I have dreamed of for a long time and I wondered when or if it would happen. I am so very, eternally thankful for this blessing.

So...things are looking up! There are other things I'm doing, such as applying for jobs and figuring out what my interests are and how to cultivate them, and there's a lot left to do. But I already feel so good that there's no way I'm going to stop. And that's as it should be, because we are always a work in progress.

Found this shirt at Goodwill shortly after I started coaching!

Do you want to feel this way too? It can happen. Do you want to learn more about life coaching?

Having a coach is different from having a therapist, and I think it's been an important difference for me. Like a therapist, a coach will listen to you and help you figure out what some of your problems are. But instead of asking how you feel about it and telling you to figure it out on your own, a coach motivates you and encourages you and helps you figure out what changes you need to make by asking you questions about what you really want and what your values are.

Once you have identified your values and goals, you can make your life start lining up with them, which moves you in the right direction and feels awesome. And I'm sure each coach is different, but mine gives me the straight talk I need. If I am full of crap, I want her to tell me that. If I'm giving in to that inner voice of doubt that tries to sabotage me (which I know we all have), then I need to know it and I need to stop it.

Instead of focusing primarily on your past or how you got to where you are today (and I definitely don't discount the importance of examining your past), he or she will help you focus on how you get from where you are today to where you want to be in the future. You will learn how to be your best self. You will learn that you can have the life you want. I'm still working on fully internalizing that, but I do believe it's true.

Only you can decide if coaching is right for you, and everyone's issues are different. But I am a believer because when I think about the areas of life I've covered above - exercise, health, mood, relationship, parenting, etc. - they are some of the most important things to most people. We all deserve to be happy - and we can.  Believe it.

If you're interested in learning more about my fabulous coach or coaching in general, please e-mail me at mylifewithpie@gmail.com. One wonderful thing is that, because coaching is often done over the phone, you can do it anywhere and your coach can be local or halfway around the world. It's easy and it's great.