No More Distraction

Distraction is inevitable....to some extent. Ours is a fast-paced world that prizes productivity and multitasking, so finding ourselves distracted at times from the task at hand is unavoidable.

Except when it comes to our kids, that is.

You see, the kind of distraction I'm talking about is the technology-induced, smart phone-related kind. It's the temptation we all seem to have (yes, myself included) to check our Facebook account or e-mail or text messages with an often ridiculous frequency. Let's face it, there's probably nothing new from your last check-in a minute ago.

And, more importantly, while you're reading notifications and status updates and junk e-mail messages, your kids are there, waiting for your undivided attention.

Do they get it?

Other than for picture taking, we really don't need phones at the beach...

I've been really working on this myself lately. I never used to be joined at the hip with my phone. I never played games on it or wanted to be in constant contact with the outside world.

But the iPhone changed all that, as did Facebook. Now I want to be more connected than before. There's an entertainment factor to it now. You can always be aware of what's going on, anywhere, anytime.  And all of those damn games - Words With Friends, Angry Birds, Fruit Ninja (which Anna likes), and the list goes on - can provide a welcome distraction from the daily grind and stress. That's okay - sometimes.

Photo by Kristen Nicole (from siliconangle.com)

To our kids, however, that distraction is not welcome. They are smart and perceptive enough to know when they're not getting our full attention....which is what they deserve. Sometimes our distraction makes them sad. Sometimes, it makes them angry, causing them to act out to get our attention.

Think they probably are too absorbed in TV or games to notice? Think again. Read this blog post.  It contains real kids' real comments about their parents' phone use.

Without realizing it, in recent months, I have gradually started to spend more time engaged in activities on my phone. I have always been willing to put it down if Anna wants or needs me for any reason, but sometimes, I am guilty of playing games on it or perusing Facebook while we're supposed to be watching something or coloring or doing a puzzle. I don't even know why this change has occurred.

That isn't okay. Our together time is supposed to be just for her and me, period.

Besides, I can always do those things on my time, so I should avoid doing them on her time. After being called out on it by Anna herself ("Mom, put your phone down and play!!" - it doesn't get any plainer than that), I'm making a conscious effort to stop doing that. Now, I often leave my phone in the other room in the evening while we play so it's not even a temptation. And when we go into the bedroom for story time and iPad videos at night, I put it on silent and turn it face-down so it will not disrupt us as we snuggle. I can tell she likes that. I do too.

Let's face it - whether you wait two minutes to check FB or two hours, you don't miss much. It's all going to be there later. And none of it is that important. But that together time with your child - when she knows she has all of you in the moment- is vital. And it feels really good for you, too.

For all of you who, like me, occasionally find yourself in this situation - or, should I say, create this situation - here's an article for you. You simply must read it - it's called "How To Miss a Childhood", which like the post mentioned above, comes from the blog, Hands Free Mama. It's a wonderful and moving reminder of what is at stake when we become distracted and how that affects our kids - and us. I couldn't express it any better.

So check it out. And then put the phone down.