Shooting From the Hip

As some of you have noticed (I hope?), I'm putting a renewed effort into this blog because I love it, and it's a creative outlet that I enjoy and need. I began the blog with a sort of happy-go-lucky, middle of the road kind of approach, but over time, I've learned that the most interesting, and perhaps touching, things simply can't always be full of sunshine and roses.

Don't get me wrong, I do love sharing funny stories, pictures and videos of Anna, which I will always do because I never run out of material!  But I have decided to allow myself to shake things up a bit when I feel the need. I'm not only going to be all warm and fuzzy because, while I do sometimes enjoy that, it's not what drives me or makes for my most compelling writing. So, I'm also going to be more edgy and raw and honest.

Anna's view of me, which she captured on my phone (along with her finger)

Hence the potential for embarrassment that I felt - and stared down - when I wrote the posts about my childhood counseling and coming to terms with my sexuality ("Are We Really Born This Way?" Part One and Part Two) and about my recent foray into life coaching ("Get a Life!" and "Finding Me"). Those are very raw, personal things....things that not everybody would be comfortable sharing over the Internet where literally anyone could read them.

But I felt I had to share them. I've always been a "what you see is what you get" kind of person. That's just me. It's not like I'm a completely open book, but when you get to know me, you find out pretty quickly who I am and where I stand.

So, in an effort to grow the blog, I was just checking out Single Dad Laughing's newly revamped advice blog, called My Big Blog Secrets. In particular, I was reading his tips about coming up with fresh topics and things to say on a regular basis. His advice, which is good, is to always jot down the ideas you have, whether they're fabulous or not, so that you'll have them available when you decide to post. You pick whatever suits you at the moment and it just comes out in written form.

Photo from onthejob.45things.com

It's so true. You can't force good writing. But that doesn't only mean that you can't make yourself to write about something you're not into at the moment. In my mind, it also means that when your effort is not completely genuine, or heartfelt, it's not going to be your best. I know what the statistics for My Life With Pie say about what the best posts are, and I know what I think my best posts are.  Many of them correlate with the stats, although some do not.

But one thing I can absolutely say for sure is that if the criteria for a "best" post is that a post is very widely read, then my best posts are those edgy, raw, real, from the heart ones. The ones that tell you about my most overwhelming joys and my deepest pain. The ones that give you a view into my brain and show you what my experiences have really been like. The ones that show you, through this amazing medium, who I really am.

Reading just now about fresh content instantly put this phrase into my mind: shoot from the hip.  I thought about the fact that I'm a straight talker (pardon the pun) and that I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes those qualities have gotten me into trouble, but more often than not, they have served me well.

But then I had a related, yet perhaps more important realization..... that this truth, that when I shoot from the hip I am at my best and most real, should sustain and guide me not only through my role as a blogger, but also through my role as a lawyer.

That role has been somewhat neglected in recent years, but it's still there and it's still a big part of who I am. My purpose when I chose this career was to help people. I wanted to be the champion of people who have been hurt as a result of others' mistakes. I wanted to hold their hands and be there for them through a difficult process that almost always comes on the heels of a painful, awful experience. I wanted to convince juries that these are good people who have had a bad thing happen to them, and that they could help to make things right.

Photo from dailygood.org

Obviously I've taken a bit of a detour from this path in recent years, and I am so glad that my new path has brought me this wonderful little person whose life and character I am supposed to help mold - for that is the most important job anyone could have. Period. But I am starting to learn that I don't need to choose between the two paths - that, somehow, they can merge into my unique but perfect path.

The same qualities that produce my better blog posts and make them enjoyable are also the qualities that can help me teach Anna valuable things, and help me win cases. Shooting from the hip is a winning strategy for me, whatever the context.

I'm glad I've had this epiphany, as I'm starting to consider my career options. What direction should I take now that I have had a few years off from the kind of work I want to do? How does being a mom impact my vision of myself and my career? Where can I best be of service to others, and to my family too?

Those are not easy questions to answer, but I'm trying. I'm ready to put myself out there again and see what happens, and trust the universe to look after me and point me in the right direction. Along with my life coach, of course.

Putting yourself out there on a blog, though, where you can hide behind your printed words and the anonymity of the Internet if you want to, is quite different from putting yourself out to other people, one on one, face to face.  I have always disliked job interviews. While I think I'm good at connecting with people and selling myself, I'm also mindful of the talking points I need to cover and the things they want to hear.

That's all well and good, but at the end of the day - does that make me relatable? Does it tell a prospective employer who I am? Not really. So, I've decided to do something risky - I'm just going to be myself.

I'm going to use this approach in any such encounters that I have from now on. I'm going to put myself out there and let people know who would be working for them, because if they don't like me as I am, it's best that they and I know that now, rather than months down the road. I tried this recently, and it felt great. More than that, it's such a liberating experience to go from a sense of desperation ("I've gotta take the first opportunity that comes along because I need the money") to a sense of empowerment ("I'm going to wait until I find the job I want that is the best fit for me").

Also, I'm not going to sell myself as a workaholic, obsessive, 80 hour a week lawyer. That's not me. I can work as hard as the next person and give it my all. I always get my work done, no matter what, and I have been pretty successful so far. But I am not going to miss parent-teacher meetings and my daughter's recitals or games or whatever activities she may get into as she gets older. I am going to grow up knowing her, and making her feel my love through my support and involvement, whatever it takes.

In this profession, we tend to sell ourselves as workaholics, putting work above family and even above our own health. Which might explain why lawyers have the almost the highest rates of depression and substance abuse of any profession. Well....I just can't play that role anymore. I don't want to. It's not genuine, and now that I know that to be at my best, I must be genuine, that is exactly what I am going to do.

I am going to talk about my child at interviews. I am going to let them know that I'm a hard worker, and that I value family dinners too. Frankly, raising Anna has made me a much more interesting person and job candidate than I was before. I take myself less seriously. And talk about training in multitasking!

I am going to do my best to let prospective employers see the real me. I am an advocate. I am a mother. I am a writer. I am compassionate. I don't give up. I have taken Frost's "road less traveled by" - and yes, it has made all the difference. I am not going to apologize for who I am. After all, being real is what will help me connect with clients and jurors.  It will help me put the counselor into "attorney and counselor at law." It will make me want to work hard for the people I represent, and for my family too.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood..." (photo from endlessstream.blogspot.com)

Is it a risk? Yes. Might it turn off employers? Of course. Could it prolong some real progress in my career?  It could. But I guarantee that when I do find the place where I am meant to be, I will thrive and excel and be a damn good lawyer. And a damn good mom, too.