Wanna Be Startin' Something

Here's another video clip to add to our collection.  The other night I was playing Michael Jackson's "Wanna Be Startin' Something " while getting Anna ready for bed.

Here she is, grooving away:

For other videos featuring Anna, check out our Videos Page or our channel on YouTube.

Article: Banning Kids - What?!

Ok, people, I don’t usually do it, but prepare for a rant.

I just read an article posted by some of my Facebook friends, which described increasing efforts to bar children from public places.

What?!?!

The article provides examples of places that have started to create kid-free zones or times, and they include: movie theaters, airlines, hotels, and (gasp) grocery stores. And that’s not all.

Seriously?

You Know You're Tired When....

I'm used to being tired all the time. It comes with the territory. What bugs me is feeling that hard-to-shake, fuzzy-headedness first thing in the morning, when I just feel like I can't get going. Because Anna is usually going at full tilt in about 30 seconds.

So, I wasn't quite awake when Anna asked me to draw an octopus for her the other day before school.  This is what she got:

Mama T's "undecopus"

Yes, that's right, it has eleven arms. I even took the time to draw the little suction things on the bottom of the arms, I was that alert....yet somehow I didn't realize that I drew 3 too many arms. My little freak of nature is now proudly hanging out on the fridge next to Anna's art.

This is why I'm not quitting my day job!

Friday Fun: The Laundry Basket

One of Anna’s favorite play or hiding places is the laundry basket. She makes it a fort, a car, her office, or sometimes her bed. I love watching her and marvel at the things she comes up with.

And then I think: why the heck do I spend so much money every year on toys when she enjoys common household objects just as much, if not more?!

Take a look at some of Anna’s basket adventures in the Laundry Basket Flip Book(s):

Nurturing Nature?

Of course we’re all familiar with the expression “nature versus nurture.” We use this phrase as we attempt to understand why people do all sorts of things, or why they are the way they are. Are we a product of our environment? Are we naturally a certain way? Is it a combination of both?

You Know I'm No Good

“I cheated myself/ Like I knew I would/I told you I was trouble/ You know that I’m no good.” -- Amy Winehouse, “You Know I’m No Good” 

The recent passing of singer Amy Winehouse inspired me to write this post. Reading the coverage made me think of my earlier “Bad Kids” post, especially the lyrics I included here. Too many kids think that they’re no good, that they’re bad kids. And far too many of the kids who think that way turn to drugs and alcohol to ease their pain.

Meeting Our Goals

Just wanted to say a quick thank you to all of you who commented on the religion post over the past couple of days (and the other ones too, of course).  That's exactly what I was hoping to accomplish with this blog - putting something out there that was thought-provoking enough to get people talking. I also want all sorts of diverse viewpoints to be included because that makes for a richer discussion, and it feels great when I see that happening. 

I appreciate your taking the time to share your thoughts with all of us.  If you haven't checked out the post and the comments yet, please do!

Tune in tomorrow!

Parenting Skills List Wrap-Up

Before we say goodbye to the parental skill series, I wanted to wrap it up with one more discussion and also post the results* of our poll about this article.

37% of people who responded said they agreed with the list as-is.
25% said they agree with all 10 items but would order them differently.
37% said they did not agree with all 10 and would add something else.

* Totals do not add to 100% due to rounding.

If you didn’t respond but would like to, please give us your opinion in the comments.

We looked pretty thoroughly at all the traits and competency areas that supposedly indicate we’re good parents, and will make our relationships with our kids better and make them happier as a result. But I thought it would be useful to take a moment and see what it all boils down to: in other words, what do we take from this and what can we do to embody these skills?

Safe In Your Arms

We briefly touched on this issue in “Miss Independent.” Rounding out our list of the top 10 parental skill areas is safety.

Frankly, I can’t believe this is at the bottom of the list, after religion and life skills and health. Does it matter how well our kids eat or exercise or whether they go to church if they’re gone?

Safety is a huge issue for parents in today’s world. Not that it wasn’t years ago, but there is such significant media focus on this now that worries about our kids’ safety are almost always in our minds to one degree or another. I asked readers to think about this not only as a separate issue, but also as it relates to cultivating independence in children.

Losing My Religion

Well, we’re finally here: the stickiest subject (for me, anyway) of the ten parental competency areas. Researchers list religious involvement or upbringing as No. 9 on the Top 10 list.

This is a tough subject for me because I often feel caught between my own beliefs and the warped version of them that is sometimes found in what we refer to as “organized religion.”

I should note that I was raised a Baptist. I attended a Baptist school from kindergarten through fifth grade. I attended church from a young age (maybe 6?) until I was 20, and was very involved in choir and Sunday school and youth group.

Reader Poll: What do you think of the Parenting Skills List?

As we prepare to finish our series on parenting skills, we're interested to get your views on the Top 10 list. So, we've created a poll to find out!

We'd like to know whether you (1) agree with the list as-is, (2) agree with the 10 skills but would rank them differently, or (3) disagree with the inclusion of at least 1 thing. Please take the poll on the right side of the page and let us know what you think!

If you disagree with the presence of one or more of the skill areas on the list, please let us know in the comments to this post what you feel should not be in the list and what you would substitute. Please choose the answer you most agree with. The final results of the poll will be included in a post after we finish all of the posts in the series.

[Editor's Note: This Poll has ended.  Check out the Poll Results and Summary Here.]

New Feature: Friday Fun!

Today I’m going to introduce a new feature to the blog, called “Friday Fun.” In honor of my day off, which I always spend with Anna, I will post random fun things on Fridays – we can’t be serious all the time, right?

Getting Better

As you can see, I’m determined to complete my post series on this subject having used song titles for each one. Surely this is one of the things for which Anna will make fun of me in the coming years! Don’t worry, there are only two to go after this one.

Next in our ideal parental skill set is having a healthy lifestyle, such as good nutrition and exercise habits, which your kids will want to emulate.

I suspect (hope) that everyone will agree that it’s important to take good care of our bodies and to teach our kids to do the same. The trick is finding time for those things we need to do, like walking and preparing healthy meals, in our fast-paced world.

Thank You!

I just wanted to take a moment to send a shout-out to all of my friends and family who’ve been so supportive of this blog, and especially to all our readers so far!  Subtracting the 3 posts that aren’t really posts (such as the privacy policy), this is substantive post #50. I feel really great about that. 

I have been doing this for less than 2 months and have been working hard to create material that is engaging, heartwarming, at times humorous, and also thought-provoking.  Anna is my major source of inspiration, but I also draw so much from the comments I get from readers, and I really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to contribute feedback and comments on the posts. I really do want this blog to be informative and interesting as well as entertaining.  Generating a dialogue and developing a community of parents who can support and advise each other is important to me. Thank you all for participating!

Positive Vibration

Ahhh “behavior management.” Our collective blood pressures probably rise a bit when thinking about all the things, major and minor, that our little ones like to do to test our limits… and the gleeful looks on their faces sometimes when they know they are pushing our buttons.

This ranks in at No. 7 on our list of important parental skill areas. So, today we discuss whether we depend on positive reinforcement and only punish our kids when everything else we’ve tried fails.

Super Moms

I thought you might enjoy this post from the blog "Or So She Says" about our objectives as mothers.  She discusses the very real differences between trying to be a stereotypical "supermom" and working hard to be an actual super mom.  It's both an amusing and a heartwarming post.

Check it out here and tell me what you think!

Roll With the Changes

We now interrupt this parental competency program to bring you a message from our sponsor. I thought I’d make a brief diversion from our (okay, my) discussion of the ten most important areas of parental competency to discuss something that didn’t make the cut but, in my opinion, should have.

Adaptability.

This skill is implicitly involved in some of the other topics we’ve discussed, such as stress management and life skills, but I guess the researchers thought it didn’t merit independent discussion. So, despite my lack of credentials, I am going to take it on myself.

Swimming Safety

I get regular parenting tip e-mails from parents.com, and I wanted to share today’s, which has to do with swimming safety.  Anna, like many kids, loves the water and is virtually fearless in it…. but she can’t swim yet.

So, I thought this list of tips and reminders (from Parents.com) was helpful for those of us with water babies – after all, you can never be too careful!

I love the lake!!

She Works Hard For The Money

Parental competency area number 6 is “life skills” – which sounds like a ridiculous high school class. In any event, this skill area entails having some sort of plan for the future and providing adequately for your child.  Clearly these are important considerations, although I don't think I would have rated this above others, such as safety. 

I had what I thought was a pretty clear plan for my future – and then Annapie came along and changed my entire world.  I’m so glad she did! The great irony is that now I want to make corresponding changes to the rest of my future plan, but I can’t because this little girl depends on me to provide for her.  Funny that the remainder of the plan I had all along doesn’t fit so well anymore, or at least it feels that way sometimes.

The Tooth Fairy: Victim of Extortion??

Yes, you read that correctly.  I'm fortunate that whatever Tooth Fairy was assigned to my location had it together, but apparently that wasn't the case everywhere.


I saw this on a friend's Facebook page and thought it was hilarious, so I wanted to share it with you on this sleepy Sunday morning. Hope you enjoy it, and enjoy the rest of your weekend!


Letters to the Tooth Fairy

Photo from peelinganorangewithascrewdriver.blogspot.com

[In my search for a photo of the elusive Tooth Fairy, I also found this funny blog post that you might enjoy.]

Teach Your Children

Returning to our series about researchers’ most important skill areas for parents, we come to #5 on the list, education and learning.  It’s probably obvious to everyone that it’s important to “promote and model learning” and to “provide educational opportunities” for our kids.  What is interesting to me here is the variety of views out there about how best to go about accomplishing this.

One debate revolves around whether flash cards are useful or not. I will save thorough discussion of that for another post, but I will say that even though hands-on learning is best, I do think flash cards have their place too. Anna really enjoys them and has gotten quite good at connecting pictures with letters.

Anna's Big Girl Day!

I love observing little milestones as they happen, but they usually happen sporadically.  Today, though, Anna seems especially like a big girl. She's used the potty, decided she likes my favorite drink, iced soy chai, and sang along to the radio with me. (She knows parts of a lot of the songs I like, but today's selections were "Edge of Glory" and "Forget You" - the way she says "change in my pocket" is adorable!)

When big girl stuff all happens at once, it really hits me how fast she's growing!  What are some of the things that make you stop and really realize your baby is becoming a big kid?

Miss Independent

[Proving there’s a song for everything.]

In our continuing examination of our “parental competencies,” we come to number 4, which is “Autonomy and Independence.”  To succeed in this department, according to the article, “you treat your child with respect and encourage him or her to become self-sufficient and self-reliant.”

So Happy Together

[I’m 3 for 3 with the song titles!]

Continuing with our series about the ten most important “parental competencies” we need to have, today I’ll be discussing relationship skills, which follows love and stress management on the list.

At first glance, this seems like a no-brainer:   if the parental couple is generally happy, the children will be happier too.  But what does it mean to be “happy”?  That kids should see a lot of affection between their parents?  That they should be kept up to date on what’s going on with their parents? That spouses shouldn’t fight in front of the kids?

New Video: Anna's Rule

I've just been sifting through the videos that I captured this past weekend while I was lucky enough to get a visit from Mama T and Anna.  Until I get them all edited and ready for the blog's video page, please enjoy this teaser trailer.

Please let us know what you think in the comments!  Oh, and this video is available in HD from our YouTube page.

If It's Good Enough for Brad and Angelina.....

So, as you may or may not remember (my feelings will only be a little hurt if you don’t), I recently wrote about why marriage equality is important in my post, “When You Get Caught Between the Moon and New York City.” I stepped out of my comfort zone a little bit and spoke from the heart about why marriage matters to me, to lots of other gay people, and especially to our wonderful kids. 

When I started this parenting blog, I thought I should shy away from “controversial” issues for fear of alienating readers.  Obviously I want anyone and everyone to get in on our dialogue on My Life With Pie. But one thing I’ve noticed when I track the blog’s statistics (which really are fascinating) is that being true to myself works best. 

Under Pressure

In case you were wondering, I hadn’t planned on using song titles for every post in this series about parenting skills….but I’m enjoying it, so now I just might try!

In any event, according to the article we introduced on Monday, the second most important ability that we need to have as parents is effective stress management.  By this, the researchers mean that we should take care to properly manage our child’s stress and our own, relax and keep a positive outlook.  Easy, right?  Sure.

Talking to Your Kids: "Do"s and "Don't"s

I just came across this article on CNN.com about what not to say to your kids (and some suggested alternatives). It's helpful, and it goes right along with our examination of parenting skills this week so I thought you might want to check it out.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/07/12/dont.say.to.child.p/index.html?hpt=hp_p1&iref=NS1

What's Love Got to Do With It?

Yesterday, we described an article about parenting skills prioritized by researchers. It listed, in order of importance, the ten “parenting competencies” that are most important to the development of healthy, happy children and strong parent-child relationships. This week, I’ll be discussing each of them in more detail and asking for your opinions as well.

It’s no surprise that love and affection top the list here. Surely everyone knows that showing that we care is important right? Well….maybe not so much. Or, even if we do understand that, sometimes we fall short in that department.

Article: What Makes a Good Parent?

I ran across an article the other day in Scientific American Mind by Robert Epstein, a longtime researcher and professor of psychology, which summarized a research study on what parenting practices produce better results than others - that is, practices that produce better relationships between parent and child and happier, healthier, and better functioning children.

The studies also sought to answer "why, in fact, do most parents continue to parent pretty much the way their own parents did - or, if they disliked the way they were raised, the exact opposite way?"

I Can't Smile Without You

We're on a little vacation this week, putting together lots of videos and stories to tell.  Meanwhile, please enjoy this clip of Anna singing the Barry Manilow hit, "Can't Smile Without You."

 

As I mentioned in the post "Alligator, Go Away," my easy listening indoctrination is beginning to rub off on Anna!

Control Freak

Control.  It’s a powerful word.  We try to have self-control.  We wish we had control of certain situations so we wouldn’t feel vulnerable.  We can’t control the future so we feel a little helpless sometimes.  Efforts to control other people are often futile, for good reason.

So why are we surprised that our kids care so much about control?

Once Upon A Time....

Image from Childhood's Favorites and Fairy Stories, by Various

How many of you loved fairy tales when you were younger?  Reading them seems to be a childhood rite of passage. Do you find yourselves reading them to your kids now?  Personally, I don’t have a real recollection of reading them, although I’m sure I did. I’m just a little fuzzy on the details.

So, when Anna brought me her giant book of bedtime stories and asked me to read her Little Red Riding Hood, I thought, sure, why not?  We snuggled closely together and I began the story.

Happy 4th!

Everyone has favorite traditions associated with holidays, and the 4^th of July is no exception.  Many of us go to see fireworks.  Some of us go to the beach.  Some of us go to local parades and festivals.  When I was very young, one of my favorite parts of this holiday was our neighborhood 4^th of July picnic. 

I remember one year especially well. I must’ve been eight or nine.  This particular year, there was a holiday gathering at the end of my street, near the “dirt pile,” as we called it, where my brother, my friends and I loved climbing and pretending we were imaginary detectives.

Summertime, And The Livin' Is Easy....

Sometimes I miss living in a place that actually has seasons, you know, like spring and fall. Watching everything change is something I’ve always enjoyed.  But now that I’m up north, there’s a saying that our four seasons are “winter, winter, mud and construction.”  It’s only partially a joke!  Our very long, cold winters are pretty rough. 

But it’s all worth it when summer rolls around.  Everyone seems happier, despite the increased traffic of tourism and road renovation projects everywhere you turn.  People relax on their decks with drinks and have barbeques and backyard fires and visit the many gorgeous beaches and lakes here. There’s an abundance of delicious seafood and canoeing and camping and other fun outdoor options for kids.

Commenting Issues

Good morning all!

I've heard a few people say they have had issues with commenting and for that I apologize. Please don't give up! This site can only get better and better the more people are in on the discussion. If you seem to have issues around signing in to post, try copying your comment in case something goes awry between typing it and signing in, so it won't be lost to us. I want to read it!

There will no longer be an approval period, so you should instantly see your comments posted. If not, please let us know right away!

Please check out yesterday's post on the controversial book, Go The F*** To Sleep. It generated a lively conversation on Facebook so please share your thoughts!

Have a wonderful Saturday!

Go The F*** To Sleep: Harmless Fun for Parents, or Harmful Reflection of Reality? Discuss.

I’m sure most, if not all of you, have heard about Adam Mansbach’s new book, Go The F*** To Sleep, which was recently read by Samuel L. Jackson on CollegeHumor.com.  Mansbach wrote the book to parody children’s books, and to humorously describe the internal frustration that parents face when their child resists sleep.  I know we’ve all been there.

However, as a book with this title naturally would, it has stirred up controversy. There is widespread support for the book as a way for parents to blow off steam by laughing at something that can be really frustrating.  Supporters say that most of us think the things that the book narrates when our kids employ sleep-delaying tactics, even though we certainly would never say them aloud. Clearly, while it is illustrated like a children’s book, the book is not meant to be read to children.