She Works Hard For The Money

Parental competency area number 6 is “life skills” – which sounds like a ridiculous high school class. In any event, this skill area entails having some sort of plan for the future and providing adequately for your child.  Clearly these are important considerations, although I don't think I would have rated this above others, such as safety. 

I had what I thought was a pretty clear plan for my future – and then Annapie came along and changed my entire world.  I’m so glad she did! The great irony is that now I want to make corresponding changes to the rest of my future plan, but I can’t because this little girl depends on me to provide for her.  Funny that the remainder of the plan I had all along doesn’t fit so well anymore, or at least it feels that way sometimes.

Sacrifice.

This is something we as parents must all face.  There are the obvious sacrifices that come about with children – less free time, tighter budgets, lack of sleep.  But then there are the soul-searching moments where it really hits you that not only is life in general not really the same…you’re not really the same.

Anna & Mama T playing, Jan. 2010

My former drive to be a successful trial lawyer has ebbed in favor of my desire to focus on raising a child, as I discussed in the posts “My Place in this World” and “The Working Mother’s Dilemma.”  It’s not that I don’t want to work outside the home at all, it’s just that I’m not as sure as I once was that this is the work I am meant to be doing. 

Yet, even as I become less certain about the path I’m on, I become more certain that I am stuck on it.  I am lucky to have a good job and I can’t take that lightly, especially as we need to remain a two-income family. I doubt I’d be completely satisfied staying at home even if I could (although there’s only one way to find out!), but I sometimes wish I could do something totally different, such as working with kids, because I think that would be very meaningful for me.

In short, the other options I may want to explore now that parenthood had changed my perspective probably aren’t feasible in terms of helping to provide for our family the way I need to.  Our expenses are only going to rise in the future. We need to stay practical and be able to save money - after all, Anna will have school and activity expenses, perhaps medical needs, and then there's college.  

It’s a trade-off.

I get an experience I thought I’d never have, one that has brought more joy to my life than I ever thought possible.  But I also have to shackle myself to a career that no longer seems as tailor-made for me as it once did because my little girl depends on me.  I have traded one passion for another in my heart, but in reality, I must manage both in a way that gives our family what it needs. 


Still, whatever we have to do, it's definitely worth it to invest in a wonderful future for our wonderful little girl.

Anna with Mama T at the beach, May 2010

How has parenting changed your future or self-concept?