Roll With the Changes

We now interrupt this parental competency program to bring you a message from our sponsor. I thought I’d make a brief diversion from our (okay, my) discussion of the ten most important areas of parental competency to discuss something that didn’t make the cut but, in my opinion, should have.

Adaptability.

This skill is implicitly involved in some of the other topics we’ve discussed, such as stress management and life skills, but I guess the researchers thought it didn’t merit independent discussion. So, despite my lack of credentials, I am going to take it on myself.

Parenting is like a roller coaster ride. You never know what will happen next! This is one of the most exhilarating things about it, but it’s also one of the most taxing. Your child is constantly evolving, changing into his or her own little person, and you get to find out who he or she becomes – day by day, as it’s happening.

Every stage of development brings with it new challenges, new thrills, and new perspective. You’ve gotta be ready for just about anything.

You never know what will happen at breakfast!

Of course, this is true of life generally, but it’s one thing when it’s just you, and quite another when you have the awesome responsibility of taking care of another little human being who is completely reliant on you. When our kids reach their teenage years, they might think we don’t know anything, but when they are young, they think we know everything. We have to have ready answers to questions we can’t anticipate and ready solutions for problems we had no idea would arise.

We have someone else – the most important someone else imaginable – to answer to, and it’s not easy.

Anna has already started with the series of “why?” questions, which, if we’re talking about why whales do certain things, probably ends with guesses or internet research, or, if we’re talking about why we (she) must do things in a certain way, might end with “because I said so” (see earlier post of the same name)….after a few genuine attempts at explanation, of course.

This is nothing compared to the challenges the future will bring, but it does make me realize that she’s going to keep us on our toes! 

I was thinking about this today as I sat in a service center waiting to find out what’s wrong with my mommy wagon. Last year, I abandoned my sporty car in favor of something more practical…and now it needs a repair almost as expensive as the vehicle itself. I can’t afford to fix it, but there’s no way I can buy another car right now. The first thought that came into my mind was: what in the world am I going to do? (Or perhaps it wasn’t quite as nice as that.)

Sometimes I miss my younger days, when my biggest problems included having to pick which toy I wanted when I couldn’t have both, or being frustrated that I couldn’t play for one more hour on a lovely summer evening.

Today’s unfortunate turn of events put me in a frame of mind that didn’t feel very good. But after a few minutes of adjusting to this difficult reality, my parental instinct started to kick in and I started brainstorming to find solutions. I’m nothing if not resourceful. I reminded myself that I have a great survival instinct and am a pretty capable problem solver.  When life gets demanding, I fight like hell to figure something out, and I usually land on my feet.

If only real life was like Monopoly!

Then it also occurred to me that parenthood has helped me handle difficult things like this in a much better way than the old me might have. It’s one of the most intense “boot camps” around. Not only does it prepare you to deal with the unexpected, but it also puts things in perspective for you – it could always be worse.  And as long as your child has food and clothes and shelter, nothing else matters as much.

I have always believed things will fall into place, and hopefully they will with my latest problem too.  


But regardless of the outcome, it served as a good reminder that we as parents have to be adaptable, able to take things as they come, and ready to see our kids through whatever they may face. For their sake, we have to roll with the changes.

I’m not yet sure where I think it would fall on our Top 10 skills list, but it ought to be in there. Where would you rank this?