In a previous post, The Gender Divide, I discussed the sharply delineated pink and blue aisles at toy stores and the resulting, prevailing attitudes that girls should like dolls and princesses and boys should like cars and trucks and soldiers.
Now, with the advent of intense potty training, we’ve hit a new iteration of this problem: big kid underwear.
When Anna first started sporadically using the potty, I bought her Sesame Street
and Dora the Explorer
underwear to get her excited about it. But, thanks to advice from friends and online columns, we didn’t push potty usage for fear of turning Anna off to it. Eventually, as is the case with almost every kid, Anna has begun to get more interested in using the potty on her own. Once she did it for five days in a row, I proposed that she pick out her own underwear as a reward. So, we went to the store.
“Mommy, they have Toy Story
! Yaaaay!” Anna exclaimed, pointing up to the cute little undies hanging on the rack. One problem: they were boys’ underwear.
! Yaaaay!” Anna exclaimed, pointing up to the cute little undies hanging on the rack. One problem: they were boys’ underwear.After gently breaking that news to her, she turned her focus to Spider-man
and decided those were the ones. Of course, they were for boys also.
and decided those were the ones. Of course, they were for boys also.I said, “Let’s see what they have for girls: Dora, Princesses, or….random flowers.”
Really? Could we get any more stereotypical?
Anna pouted. “But Toy Story is my favorite.”
What could I say, other than “I’m sorry”? She’s a little young for an honest explanation of our culture’s gender biases.
And why should I have to explain it? Why should we be the ones to change our behavior rather than society in general changing its stupid rules?
It’s pretty safe to say that both boys AND girls like Toy Story – and Cars
, and Nemo
, and the list goes on. What, because Woody and Buzz are guys, girls can’t have underwear with “To infinity, and beyond!” on them?
, and Nemo, and the list goes on. What, because Woody and Buzz are guys, girls can’t have underwear with “To infinity, and beyond!” on them?This is seriously screwed up.
Anna settled for Dora, which she really does like, but not before shedding a few tears. I was mad at the companies that made it this way.
But then, I was mad at myself.
Does it really matter whether we buy boys’ or girls’ underwear at this early age? Maybe I should’ve just gotten them for her anyway, but deep down….. I felt a little weird about that idea. When I realized that, I became very frustrated with myself.
I could just hear it now, “That’s what you get with two women raising kids, gender confusion. Girls wearing boys’ clothes, blah blah.” Not that liking Toy Story has anything to do with gender confusion, but you know there are idiots out there. Sometimes, I grudgingly admit, I tiptoe too much because of what other people might think, as much as (on the surface) I act like I don’t care what people think.
The truth is, I don’t care what they think of me, but I don’t want it to negatively impact Anna. Not that people need to know what kind of underwear she has, but given her penchant for randomly announcing things in stores or saying the names of body parts as loudly as possible at inopportune moments, one never knows what she might say!
Over the following week, Anna told a number of people, “I cried because I couldn’t have Toy Story.” The more I heard it, the more upset I got. We discussed it and concluded it wouldn’t do any harm to make her happy.
So yesterday Anna and I went back to the store for more big kid underwear, no restrictions. Because the Toy Story undies were in a pack with other movie characters, Anna selected Spider-man. She’s never even seen Spider-man, to my knowledge. I assume she picked up the interest from boys in her class.
This time, I left the store with a happy toddler.
Who cares what the front looks like? They serve the same purpose. All I know is I have little “superhero butt” (her words) gleefully running around the house. I’m willing to bet this phase won’t last, but I’m not going to be the one to stand in the way of her happiness.
Besides, it’ll make another great story to tease her with at her wedding reception.
My comment on your previous Gender blog mentioned a girl in my Preschool class dressing as a Dragon Slayer. This same beautiful little girl also prefers Super Hero underwear, which is designed for boys. She doesn't care and neither do her parents. She is a happy, healthy, sweet little girl who knows what she likes. She very much does not fit into a stereotypical box and I love that about her! At 5 years old, she is who she is and doesn't care what other people say or think, including the other little "princesses" in our class.
ReplyDeleteIt's great that she has that support. Instead of teaching kids to tailor their interests to fit the stereotypical mold, parents should be encouraging them to be who they are and should support them unconditionally. I for one love sitting back and watching Anna evolve into her own awesome little person, and I can't wait to see how she grows and changes over the years! I hope she is always proud to be who she is.
ReplyDeleteI am grateful that my parents supported my desired activities, even though it was hard for them in some ways to have a tomboy like me for a daughter. My appearance, particularly the way I wanted to dress, caused a lot of consternation and I think they would have freaked out if I wanted boys underwear. However, they were great about letting me develop my own interests. I loved G.I. Joes and cars and Transformers and did not like Barbies. My brother and I made believe we were (male) detectives. They even let me play little league one year, and I was one of only 2 girls on the team. So I'm at least glad that they felt that those things were okay.
Oh my goodness. She is so cute.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about thinking too often about what other people MIGHT think but, seriously. There are far stranger things to consider, like avid basket-weavers. They exist. : )
I like the Spider-Man undies, and I would wear them, but my butt is too big.
I remember, in Music Class- 4th Grade- our teacher, Mrs. Beulah Stein, asking who we would want to be, if we could trade identities with anyone. I jumped in and said, "Michelangelo."
She said, "The painter?"
"Nope. The Ninja Turtle."
Everyone laughed, and one kid high-fived me.
Other girls said unimaginative things. One particularly annoying one, who I keep ignoring on FB, said "Christie Brinkley." Ugh.
My teacher agreed that she, too, would be Christie Brinkley.
So lame. I didn't feel badly, no one thought my parents were neglectful, and it's one of my favorite stories.
As you may know, my sons get their nails painted if they ask. They play dressup and barbie with their sister, etc. My daughter, who is generally very much a girly girl, will play knights and video games sometimes, too. She also played t-ball last year with one of her brothers.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for letting Anna have a superhero butt. :)
LOL! This made me laugh out loud. Thank you! Michelangelo rocks - WAY cooler than Christie Brinkley! I probably would've said George Brett, who was my favorite baseball player as a kid.
ReplyDeleteImagination is an awesome thing! Why limit it, right? :)
ReplyDeleteAs a follow-up to this post, I should note that after an intense online search, I learned that Target carries Pixar underwear for girls, in case anyone is interested. So now Anna is the proud owner and wearer of characters from Nemo, Cars and Toy Story, which is great........although I was a little disappointed that Woody and Buzz aren't on the undies, just Jessie and Bullseye the horse. But still, I suppose it's a win.
ReplyDeleteUggh, I despise gender stereotypes! Seriously I am proud of you for going back and getting those spider man undies! I remember wanting to wear my brothers' superman and he-man underoos when I was little, why should girls have to settle for daisies and princesses all the time. The question is, would we be as open to our sons wanting to wear flowers or princesses instead of spiderman. I hope I would be, not sure my husband would, but then again he does like to color and play dress up with his daughters so maybe he would. The thing that bothers us most about it is that we worry what people will think. I am so guilty of this, and I wish I wasn't, but I have tried very hard and am proud I let my oldest daughter dress as spider man for Halloween when she was three even though my friends said it was weird!
ReplyDeleteGood for you for doing that! You bring up an excellent point, that these murky waters can be harder for boys than for girls. I think it's easier to be a masculine or androgynous-looking woman, as I am, rather than an effeminate-looking boy. I don't know why, but society seems to have a harder time with boys that don't fit the mold, which is sad. If I had a little boy, I'd let him wear girls' underwear at home, but even I would be nervous sending him to school with them for fear someone would give him a hard time. I'm not sure what I'd do.
ReplyDeleteI don't care much about what others think, but I would care about the real-world effects or consequences for the child. I hate it that even I occasionally feel these stereotypes, but I think we all do sometimes. I guess it's important to be aware and not to give in to it whenever possible.