Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow...

I hate day care goodbyes!   That pretty much sums it up – you can stop reading now.

Just kidding!

This is a phenomenon that every parent who puts a child in day care experiences from time to time:  the melodramatic exit.  Some of us feel awful enough that we have to leave our sweet little ones elsewhere all day while we work, so a parting that has the feel of a bad movie doesn’t exactly put us in the best frame of mind for the day ahead.

Yes, I know our kids are usually fine within a few minutes of our departure, and I certainly know Anna has a wonderful time at day care…so much so that she’s usually not ready to go home when I get there!  She always seems like a different kid than the weepy one I left in the morning.

Still, the mere knowledge that everything will soon be okay doesn’t make it sit well with me that sometimes I have to leave my crying child behind.

So, my question to you wonderful readers is:  What are your strategies for making the goodbye easier?

When I started bringing Anna to day care, I spent a good length of time playing with her in the classroom and waited to leave until breakfast began, when she was distracted by yummy food.  However, some days were still hard enough that her teacher suggested a quicker departure – a resolute “Mommy has to go now,” big hug, kiss and exit.  That was bumpy too, but ultimately I think it helped.

Now that Anna has moved up a class, though, things are more complicated. I started staying longer again while she got adjusted to the new room.  We began a ritual of cuddling for a few minutes in the rocking chair before I placed her in the huge bay window to wave to me.  At first, the goodbyes were smooth and Anna happily waved and did the sign for “I love you” out the window.  We blew kisses.  All seemed well.

Soon, the other kids got to know me and a few started to greet me and show off their toys. A couple of them like to climb into the rocking chair too. Sometimes this leads to reading stories. Always, it means it’s a little tougher to get going.

For a long time, Anna was fine after we had our few minutes together. Lately, though, for some reason, the goodbye has been a lot harder.  We have tears, entreaties not to leave, pleas for “one more hug and kiss,” which of course I can’t turn down, and sometimes attempts to follow me out the door.

I know that Anna loves her “school” and her teachers. I know that she’s having more fun now that she’s with kids her own age and is engaged in more interesting activities. Nothing has changed in that regard.

So why are we regressing?

I’ve tried spending less time in the room, especially now that our arrival process takes longer because Anna buckles herself in the car and also procrastinates – but this often backfires.  Even though we typically arrive as breakfast is beginning, food isn’t as much of a distraction as it used to be.

When we initially experienced separation anxiety when Anna was much smaller, we worked hard to convey the message that “Mama T always comes back.” Like the Cat in the Hat, you can’t get rid of me! 

I think Anna truly knows this deep down.

But as anyone who spends time in our home knows, I often can’t leave the room without my adorable little shadow following behind me, much less leave the house without significant drama. So I guess it’s understandable that saying goodbye is tough for Anna.

Naturally, it’s also tough on me, especially since I don’t want to leave, but I have to. I hate starting the day feeling awful about it.

I suppose what this post is, is a plea for help.  Which do you think is better, spending a little time to get your child acclimated, or making a hasty exit even if it hurts?  What strategies have you successfully used to reduce the angst around leaving in the morning?  Please share your thoughts!