I just read an article posted by some of my Facebook friends, which described increasing efforts to bar children from public places.
What?!?!
The article provides examples of places that have started to create kid-free zones or times, and they include: movie theaters, airlines, hotels, and (gasp) grocery stores. And that’s not all.
Seriously?
I certainly know there are kids that can be disruptive in public places (see my post, “Evil Restaurant Man”). But the responsibility falls on the parents to address the situation by either calming the child down, or if that doesn’t work, removing the child from the place. If the parent fails to do so, and the situation is really egregious, it may fall to store management to address.
But the main question in my mind is: why the hell would you punish the 95% of us who DON’T have ridiculously obnoxious kids, and punish our kids too, when it’s only 5% of morons who cause problems and only a similarly small percentage of people who actually complain about children?
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| Anna on her best behavior at lunch in NYC, Dec. 2010 |
Clearly we’re not talking about bars or five-star restaurants. Kids don’t belong there. But it’s not fair to tell those of us with families that we can’t grocery shop or see a movie or take a trip just because some unduly uptight person may not like kids.
I don’t like being trapped in the confining space of an airplane with loud, obnoxious people, people talking on cell phones when they’re not supposed to be, people who encroach on your personal space or never shut up despite your headphones and open novel….. you get my drift. But, last time I checked, those people haven’t been banned from flying.
What about those annoying people in movie theaters that plop down right in front of you, despite the 50+ other available seats and the fact that they’re twice as tall as you? Or the groups of teenagers who talk and laugh and text through the whole movie? Or the people behind you who stretch out and put their dirty sneakers right beside your head? Does this mean we should bar tall people and teenagers and people wearing sneakers from the movies? No.
To my knowledge, these types of bans haven’t yet made their way to my area. But just the thought of it triggers my anger and my anxiety reflex because my ability to take Anna to public places means a lot to me. I want her to be able to go places and do things and experience life. As a friend pointed out, how are our kids going to learn to act in public if they’re not allowed to be out in public? Figure that one out.
And this isn’t just about Anna. It’s personal too….we’re talking about my freedom here, folks.
If it weren’t for the ability to bring Anna with me on errands or to get together with friends, I probably wouldn’t get to leave my house except for work and play dates at parks. I usually do not have childcare readily available. And even if I did, my leaving might involve a meltdown, which I try to avoid whenever humanly possible. Accordingly, I’ve grown accustomed to bringing Anna just about everywhere, and most of the time, I really enjoy having her along for the ride.
Sometimes I miss the days when she was small and light enough to fit into her snuggly, but for the most part, it’s easier to take her out now that she can walk with me and understand my directions. She enjoys helping (and riding in the cart, of course). I bet she’d be pretty upset if she wasn’t allowed to go to the grocery store anymore!
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| Adventures at Wal-Mart, March 2011 |
Now, this doesn’t mean I don’t ever like to go alone. Sometimes, I do, especially when I’m in a hurry. I’m pretty fast and efficient on my own. But it ought to be MY choice.
If it’s not, I seriously may not have a life.
I’m also annoyed with the parents who have caused this problem – now a few bad apples might spoil the bunch for the rest of us. Thanks a lot, people. Please, for the love of God, work on getting your kids to behave in public. I’m working hard on that with Anna.
And please, use common sense. I’m smart enough not to bring Anna places she can’t handle yet – for instance, I don’t know that I’d take her to a movie in the theater. She can “sit” through a whole one at home, but inevitably it’s punctuated with requests for snacks, play with other toys, etc. I hope she’ll be ready soon, but she’s not yet.
When we do try, if it’s not working, I will leave with her. It’s as simple as that. I’m not going to be one of those people who prompt a ban on children at my local theater. (Besides, don’t you think Disney and Pixar would have something to say about that??)
Hopefully this is just a small phenomenon, but the article seems a little ominous. I am keeping my fingers crossed that it’s not coming to a theater (or anywhere else) near us.
Please check out the article and tell me what you think!
I agree with you when it comes to grocery stores, airplanes and kids movies. Grocery shopping is a necessity, airplanes are often unavoidable and kids movies are, obviously, for kids. However, I actually support banning kids in certain restaurants and even movies, when they are not kid friendly. I certainly don't want to be sitting next to a toddler at 555. If I go somewhere like that I'm paying for the ambiance and a small child - no matter how well behaved - takes away from that (there's a reason I'm out and not at home with my kids).
ReplyDeleteIf I'm going to a restaurant I haven't been to before, I also appreciate guidance on how kid friendly it is. Ending up mistakenly at a restaurant where kids don't belong is incredibly stressful. I worry about each noise the kids make and can't enjoy my meal.
There are also movies where kids don't belong. A couple of weeks ago when I saw Harry Potter, I shared a row with a family with a 3 year old (who probably had nightmares afterward) and an infant. While it's totally cool (and expected) for kids to make noise at a Disney movie, that is not true of every film.
I think that when you have kids, along with the many other sacrifices you make, you sacrifice the ability to go anywhere anytime. As much as I loathe chain restaurants, I know that if I want to take the kids with me to dinner, I'm stuck with them. As much as I want to see a movie, I know I may not be able to go if I can't find a babysitter.
Young kids should get to practice being in public, at family friendly restaurants and movies. We as parents should respect people that are looking for quiet time (a romantic dinner or a movie getaway) and even respect people who don't like kids (there really isn't anything wrong with that as long as they don't procreate). Since there are many parents out there that do not seem to get this - I don't see anything wrong with excluding kids from places they really shouldn't be in the first place.
Yes, you make a good point that a lot of parents don't get it. I guess I reacted the way I did to the overall idea because I was thinking about us and I know we'd never bring Anna to a restaurant where she shouldn't be, or a movie that wasn't for kids - Harry Potter would've been terrifying for that kid! I agree with you there. I guess sometimes I give people too much credit for showing consideration and manners but there are a lot of idiots out there huh. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Molly in that there are too many instances where people bring children to non age appropriate movies. I would not have a problem with the theater banning children from those movies. I have had rated R movies ruined for me because an adult brought their infant and toddler to them and the noise and scenes had them screaming.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with the dining experience. Not that I go to many 5 star restaurants, but when I do I rarely see children, and I have to say I kind of like that.
But even in family friendly restaurants, it can be tricky. Let's be honest sometimes kids are either too tired, to hungry, or too cranky to control. Sometimes as parents we just have to make that choice, It is time to leave. I have left restaurants, grocery stores and even movie theaters because my kids would not listen, and the thing they learned when that happened: Mom is serious and next time if I don't listen the first time this will happen again. But most parents these days are too afraid to upset their kids. Kids need to learn to cope, and we as parents need to provide those lessons. Otherwise they are going to grow up and have kids and never discipline them either. It is a vicious cycle!
I don't think banning children from airlines is appropriate but I do believe that the age of lap children should be reduced to under 1 year. I have been on far too many flights where 2 years olds are flying as lap children and they are often the most unruly because they have no space of their own. They can't nap easily nor play. Any attempt at good planning by parents for hte flight can be easily derailed by the confined space the child is not used to. Also, they become a safety issue if there were ever a crash as they are not permitted to be buckled in with their parents so they are projectiles!
ReplyDeleteVery true. I suppose the frustrating thing for me is that people who don't do what they should do when it comes to making considerate decisions about whether to bring kids and/or whether to leave if necessary can spoil it for those of us who do care and do take the appropriate action.
ReplyDeleteI can certainly support a no-kid policy in those situations such as movie theaters when adult movies are playing or to restaurants to which normal people would not bring their kids. I think when I first considered the article I was just annoyed by the idea of a one-size-fits-all ban, especially in places like grocery stores.
You also make a good point that some parents are too nice and don't follow through with threats or don't discipline enough. I struggle with that occasionally myself and am working hard to make sure I follow through with consequences when warranted. And outings with the family are also good vehicles for this lesson. They let kids have a chance to learn to behave and to learn what happens if you do or if you don't. If Anna was misbehaving in a restaurant I would have no hesitation about leaving, period!
Definitely! It isn't safe and it does get annoying. It is really difficult to keep little ones in such confined spaces for any length of time! Activities and snacks only go so far....in-flight movies are probably the only thing that really works.
ReplyDeleteAn excellent view of the world from the parents end!!! We have become so self-centered as adults that we tend to forget that kids are a part of our culture and can learn new skills in the world as they explore with their parents. And of course, parents can create real limits for their kids as well as expectations for "good" public behavior. Let's get real: we can't always live in a polite, organized, quiet world---look around. We have become such a rude culture---cooperation and acceptance go a long way!!!
ReplyDeleteExactly! That's why I wrote about the things that drive me nuts - we can't all have our pet peeves enshrined in public policy. We have to be able to coexist - what better way to teach our kids? I guess there are responsibilities on both sides - the public needs to be more accepting of kids, and parents need to make sure they can either regulate behavior or depart if necessary.
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