Where Is Your Passion?

What have you done today to make you feel proud?

It’s never too late to try

What have you done today to make you feel proud?

You could be so many people, if you make that break for freedom

What have you done today to make you feel proud?

--“Proud,” Heather Small

I’ve been asking myself this question a lot lately, so I thought I’d ask you. When I pose this query internally, the answer that comes to mind is:

I don’t know.

Photo from rlnaquin.com

I’m 34 years old.  When I was younger, I thought that I’d know what I was meant to be doing way before now. I thought I’d have established myself in a career and be financially stable. I did NOT, however, think that the questions about my future that I had as a teenager would remain unanswered.

They don’t tell you that at the Guidance office.

Of course, it’s true that people don’t always have a plan. And, even if they do, life often comes along and –  surprise!  – changes the entire plan to something completely different…. which is what happened with our raising Anna.

I never could’ve predicted that I would have such a happy, thrilling, awesome job as being a parent. From the time I was about 15 I just assumed I’d never have kids.  I didn’t think the options available to most people would be available to me.  Even when Anna first came home with us, I didn’t think we’d be raising her for the long term.

Now I couldn’t imagine it any other way. And everything else pales in comparison to the joy of parenthood.

Given this, I concede that not knowing what the future holds can be a beautiful thing. But I still need to have a career.  I still want to do something meaningful with the almost 40 hours each week that I must spend away from my loved ones. I still want to have some kind of plan, even though I know the best things are often unplanned.

I’ve written about my lack of professional direction before, but I’m thinking about it a lot lately because my job may not be as secure as I thought it was. Business is slow and, being a mom, I can’t always crank out the hours that are expected of me. I really want to keep my job because its flexibility enables me to take care of my family….but that may not be up to me.

So, I’ve started – again – my soul-searching and career musings, just in case. The one arguably good thing my anxiety has done for me is teach me to always try to formulate a backup plan.  

And if I ever have to start over again somewhere else, I don’t just want a job that I can do day in and day out like a robot. I want a job that I feel passionate about. I want to be one of those people who loves going to work every day because they do something that matters to them.

Photo from silicon.com

Where is my passion?

If you see it, let me know.  I feel like it has run away from home or something, like my naughty dog when he bursts out of the door to go for a forbidden tear around the neighborhood.

Seriously, I can’t remember the last time I felt passionately about something other than my family….and writing this blog.

Where is your passion? Do you ever find yourself struggling to figure that out? Where does your heart lie? What makes you feel alive?  What makes you want to be the best person you can be, so you can keep doing it?

Do you ever ask yourself these questions?  Okay...I know those are a lot of questions.  But perhaps you too are confronted with the reality that you’re not where you thought you’d be in your professional journey. Or maybe you really want to be able to love your job, not just tolerate it…but you’re not there yet. I know that's true for me, but I’d love to hear your thoughts.  

Till then, wish me luck locating my passion.