Where's the Accountability?!

I'm so upset today, I hardly know where to begin.  Read this article, and you'll know why.

What's especially sad is that this isn't the first, second, or even tenth such article I've read.  What I want to know is this:

How many kids will we have to lose to the bullying epidemic before progress is made?  Before kids stop seeing suicide as the best way to escape the torment?  What will it take?

Where is the accountability?

Jamey Rodemeyer

Unfortunately, Jamey Rodemeyer's story is like far too many others. Kids picked on him by accusing him of being gay.  Now, being "picked on" or made fun of today seems to mean something vastly different than it did when I was Jamey's age.  Back then, I occasionally got called a "dyke" or felt eyes on me as people snickered and whispered when I walked by. And that didn't even happen that often.

I was one of the lucky ones.

But today, that word, and far worse ones, would echo far beyond the halls of my high school and into cyberspace, plastered all over Facebook and God knows what other web sites.

Photo from: differentscene.co.uk

If I were in high school today, people might say even more terrible things about me.  They might make fun of my appearance, or my friends. They might even say that I should just go and die and people would be better off. They might broadcast their hateful rhetoric all over the World Wide Web.

That's what happened to Jamey.  What's heartbreaking is that he either believed them, or he just couldn't take it anymore.

Either kids are crueler now than they used to be, or they just have easier ways to spread their cruelty.


What I don't get is that, just as the Internet has provided the a-holes with new and horrible ways to spread hate and try to ruin people's lives, it also should broaden the available resources for kids suffering through harassment day in and day out. It should be an outlet for kids, a way to reach out and get help....perhaps even an alert to others that trouble is brewing.

That certainly should've happened here. Why didn't it?

Not only did people report the offensive comments directed at Jamey to guidance counselors, but Jamey himself posted repeatedly about bullying online.  He asked what it would take for people to listen.  It was his cry for help.

Apparently, nobody heard it in time. 

Until the voices of the voiceless overpower the voices of the bullies, we need to start listening.  We need to pay attention to warning signs.  But, more than that, we need to take the initiative to combat the problem before it gets out of control.  We need to promote awareness of the issue and have programs in place to deal with it so that nobody else slips through the cracks.

An unrealistic goal, perhaps?  It doesn't have to be.

The recent "It Gets Better" project has done a lot to help raise the profile of bullying and suicide prevention, especially for people targeted because of their perceived sexual orientation or gender identity. It's a phenomenal resource for people struggling with this very problem. It's empowering to see people all over the world, some famous, some not, all sharing the same message of strength and solidarity and comfort.

Photo from: blackmaps.wordpress.com

But what else will it take? Jamey knew about It Gets Better. In fact, he even recorded his own video for the project.

He had also talked to his parents about the bullying, and they were vigilant. He was seeing a counselor. His friends stuck up for him in response to hateful comments online. Sites like Facebook have also improved tools for reporting harassment.

Sadly, despite this knowledge and support, it still wasn't enough.

Apparently, the only way to stop the problem is to curb it before it begins.  Many school districts also have responded to the media coverage of teen suicides by putting anti-bullying policies into place....and in my view, "many" should be "ALL."  More importantly, they should put their money where their mouths are and fund these programs.

It's all well and good to have awareness of bullying and a plan for combating it, but if there are no funds to provide real support to the programs, what good do they do? If nobody is reading what students post online, how will they know about the problem?

But, even anti-harassment or anti-bullying programs are reactive. We need to go to the source.  We need to start at the root of the problem.  While it is vital to make resources available to the victims of bullies and to support them, what should we do about the tormentors themselves?  After all, treating the symptoms of an illness doesn't knock out the illness itself.

We need to ask ourselves what creates bullies.  How do bullies become bullies?  What is it that is causing them to project their unhappiness onto other, more vulnerable kids? Where have they learned that it's okay to harass and hurt other people?

The real key to making change starts with YOU and ME. It begins at home.  Our kids are watching our every move.  Not only is it our responsibility to talk to them about things like this and to educate them, but it's also up to us to model the right kind of behavior.

Every time we say something disparaging about someone else, they're watching.  Every time we make ignorant generalizations about groups of people, they're watching. Every time we laugh at someone else's expense, they're watching. They learn from us.

So, every time we stick up for someone who needs it, they're watching.  Every time we reach out to someone else with kindness and love, they're watching.  Every time we refuse to tolerate hate and injustice, they're watching.

Photo from wellbecoming.blogspot.com

Providing a good environment at home, coupled with the right teaching programs at school, can change things.  I really believe that.  We can raise a generation of kids who care, who stand up for each other, who refuse to tolerate harassment even if it's happening to someone else, who grow into compassionate adults. Little by little, things can change. We have the power to make that happen.

This is just one of many reasons being a parent is the most important job in the world. Let's do it well.