However, I found the age of 2 to be surprisingly easy with Anna. She's always been generally easygoing, and I thought either I had an angel or people are just way too melodramatic.
And that's when they told me that 2 is a picnic and it's actually the "terrible 3s." Excuse me??
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| Uh-oh.....run! |
The week Anna turned 3 it was like a rain cloud descended on our house and her head spun around and our little angel was replaced with a grumpy, pouty menace who is often difficult to please.
Would her birthday party cheer her up? Nope. "I don't want presents! I don't want cake! I don't want to play with my friends!"
Surely, I thought, this would pass when people started showing up to play, bearing gifts, balloons decorating our house. Instead, our "new" child said, "NOOOOOO!!!" and spent at least half her party in a pouty, mad haze.
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| From oscarthegrouch.wikia.com |
What?! Where did my fun-lowing Anna pie go? And why is this strange, surly toddler bot in her place? I want my sweetie pie back!
So, when I received my regular parenting email from Parents.com, and it referenced stopping tantrums, I was all ears. If you too are just beginning to navigate the "terrible 3s," take a look at the article here. It shares some helpful tips by focusing on the places where your kids are most likely to throw a fit - stores, restaurants, their car seats, etc. Hope this helps!
And if anyone's interested in starting an online support group for the terrible 3s, let me know. ;)
Oh gosh, Lauren is one high energy girl, she is prone to tantrums. I suggest reading "Happiest Toddler on the Block" and "Love and Logic," those both are the staples with the Mom's I know around here. Lauren's been having tantrums since one year old, so I feel I have settled on some good advice. When, she's tantruming, try to verbalize what she's upset about "You want ice cream, you say, you want ice cream...you say I want it, I want it, I want it!!! You should get it because you think you've been good all day, you ate lunch good, and you got ice cream yesterday. Your favorite ice cream is in there and you thought you could have some when you wanted it" And pretty much match her intensity, kinda scream and yell with her. After she realizes that you understand her (usually if the reason seems "reasonable" and so you both are at peace with the desire for ice cream) tell her the logical reason she can't have it.....I usually will say "I think it's great that you like ice cream, I really want to give you some!!!! I really really wish you could have what you want, but because you are just a toddler, you don't understand why I can't. Sometimes if you eat food, your belly is full and you can't eat anything else. Well, we are going to eat lunch soon...and when we eat lunch, we are going to eat some very healthy foods that will make sure you stay healthy and don't get sick. I'm working hard to make this food for you, because I love you and I want you to be healthy." Etc... Also, I used to get mad at Lauren, but then I realized...which is much better....to use a large amount of compassion rather than getting perturbed. I over do it, I get to her eye level and say "Oh I'm so sorry you're upset, I'm so sorry!" I give her a really really big hug for a long time, rub her back and say, "I understand, I know you're so upset" I found that by punishing her and getting angry, it was causing anxiety that led to more emotional tantrums, and that showing compassion reduced the tantrums. Lauren is very emotional, so another thing is that I will tell her that she needs to calm down, if she doesn't she will go to time out. I will say, please calm down by the count of ten, if not, you will go to time out. If she doesn't calm down, I will put her in time out...but she usually calms down at the count of ten and I hope that has been a help in teaching her to control her very strong emotions.
ReplyDeleteAll very good tips!! Thank you! Sometimes, because Anna is so smart, I forget she's to little to understand some things. I catch myself when trying to explain and then often just stop and validate her feelings, as you describe. Sometimes that's all that's needed to stave off a total fit. Also, a couple of shows we watch (specifically Dragon Tales & Kai Lan) have helped w/calming down lessons that I can then refer back to in the tough moments. Strong emotions is right!!!
ReplyDeleteOk, I'm always great at giving advice because Eden at age (almost) 5 has been going through the terrible 2's since she was 3. LOL Makes perfect sense right? I've been through all of the "How to..." books on getting your child to behave. Did you know there actually is a science to behavior? I'm sure you did but it's not that difficult to figure out and I use actual behavior strategies with Eden and my other girls and it works very well. It's all about understanding why the behavior is happening and if you see a behavior that you don't want to try and change it by making the behavior you want more reinforcing. There is a ton of info on this and I won't get into it here because I can go on for days. So let me know if you want some info because it's easy to get started.
ReplyDeleteOh Courtney ........ I feel for ya , but seriously , this may look like an afternoon walk in the park once you get a glimpse of what living in a "" teenager"" girl life ... LOL You two are so cute , xoxo
ReplyDeletewhats its like is what I meant :):)
ReplyDeleteSure, I'm always open to any and all info! Please email me whatever links etc. that you think may be useful. Thanks. :)
ReplyDeleteLOL. I bet you're right! I don't know what's worse, trying to reason with a kid who is too young to understand, or trying to reason with one who can reason back and oppose you at every turn. :)
ReplyDeletehahahahahha yup , and the smarter and older they get .. the better they get at it LOL xoxo
ReplyDelete